Don't know what to do

[Thetallestsunflower]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for nearly 5. We have a 5.5 yr old and a 4 year old.
I am becoming more and more unhappy with how things are. He is extremley jealous and controlling. If I make plans to see friends he gets really angry and calls me names and accuses me of letting the children down and being selfish. Even if I want to see my friends or family and take the kids with me, I get sarcastic comments. He is constantly calling me a tart and saying I am out to shg men because I make an effort with how I dress. He criticises the way I parent the kids. I am basically really unhappy. He doesn't back down until I am crying my eyes out. He isn't violent physically, but sometimes he grabs me in a way I don't like or touches my face or leg and says stuff like 'oh aren't you just so gorgeous, you just want to find someone else to shg, don't you' in a sarcastic way.
I don't feel I am to blame but then I must be in some ways. I don't know if I am being unreasonable expecting to still socialise in bars with my friends say once a month. I spend more money than he does on things like clothes, make up, going out but then that is his choice. I don't stop him. He chooses not to go out with friends (though he doesn't have any as he is really funny about making friends).
Even now I am trying this out and he is on at me saying I am writing to men.
To add complication to this, he is Biploar and I feel he uses the threat of him having a relapse as another tool to manipulate me.
I don't know what to do. I want to end it but we have a joint mortgage which I don't think I could afford on my own. I don't want to leave this house. I like it so much here and the area is just perfect, kids are settled happy in school and have friends etc...

Visit www.womensaid.org to find your nearest branch and give them a call.

They can point you in the direction of a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law and who offers a free half an hour initial consultation.

Talk to the solicitor about the likely financial outcome when you divorce, and about applying for an Occupation Order which will require your h to vacate the marital home as this is most probably the ony way that you'll get this controlling and abusive man out of it.

Please know that the best thing you can do for yourself and your dc is to file for divorce. As for affording the mortage, if push comes to shove moneywise think about getting a lodger

link here www.womensaid.org

I don't have much in the way of practical advice to offer, just wanted to say that i have been in two relationships like yours.

His jealousy is never your fault. You have done nothing to deserve it. You should be able to wear nice things and go out like other people without him getting so ridiculously jealous.

Having children doesn't mean you never go out again.

From my experience people with these issues don't change. No amount of reassurance helps. In fact in my experience things just got worse. Mine ended with me being punched several times by my ex.

Personally if i ever saw a single sign of this in a relationship now i would run! I battled away at it for ages. Nothing you do will change him, all that will happen is that your children will grow up around his behaviour and it WILL NOT be good for them.

I understand about not wanting to leave the area. That's a real shame if it comes to that but you need professional advice to know for sure.

This is classic abusive behaviour. It must be horrid to live with both for you and dc. This kind of behaviour is extremely damaging to children. I know you would be concerned about the upheaval to them if you had to move but ultimately living in an abuse free home would benefit them enormously. Start to look at your options more closely. Talk to women's aid and see a solicitor. Go to entitledto.co.uk to see what tax credits etc you would get if you separated from him. You would be entitled to something like 15% of his income in child support payments as well. Be very careful not to let him know you are thinking of leaving. His abuse could escalate into physical violence in an effort to regain control.

Also call mind or rethink about his bipolar and where the boundaries should be drawn .
His mh is his responsibility don't let him use it to blackmail you

This isn't your fault or responsibility. He wants to isolate you because he is isolated too. He can fully control you then.
Please get some support and take steps to free your life of this man. You really don't deserve it.