After 40 years together my mum is trying to leave my dad. This follows his pretty devastating affair a couple of years ago, where he behaved appallingly ? he was so obsessed with the OW that he basically went mad. Lied compulsively to everyone, repeatedly threatened my sister (when she tried to talk sense into him) and ruined my wedding (I found a photo the night before ? and he spent the entire day sneaking off to text the OW).
The OW eventually got sick of him and, hating life alone, my parents got back together. The past two years have not been especially happy, and going to their house is like walking into an emotional fridge. I?m not sure they even like each other. He?s not bothered to make an effort with me or my sister since the affair, but I?ve tried to maintain a civil relationship with him for the sake of my DCs. He has zero empathy and only communicates in self-aggrandizing monologues, so is not an easy person anyway.
Anyway, three weeks ago my mum recently discovered he?d been texting a woman from the office. Lots of silly pet names, hearts, ?love? and ?miss yous?. He swears nothing physical has happened but it?s the final straw for my mum. She is wants to separate and rent a flat, leaving him in the family home, but he has started bullying her, saying she?s being ridiculous and overreacting. She is scared of him and seems frozen to the spot. He honestly doesn?t think he?s done anything wrong.
I know it?s not really my battle, but I guess what I?m asking is how the hell do we make sure my mum gets out, if that?s what she wants. He knows how flatten her emotionally. She?s a pretty meek character anyway and can?t cope with his anger. I couldn?t bear for her to spend her old age unhappily because she is afraid to leave him, and is terrified of being on her own. Any advice, first-hand experience or recommendations on good books to read about starting again, aged 65, would be much appreciated?