Confused

[Yesnamechangedfor]

,

I have name changed for this thread as i can't talk about it. Even thinking about it is difficult for me. I was abused as a child by a number of people mainly older cousins. It went on for a few years and stopped when we moved home. Its quite hazy in my mind but there are certain details which I remember very vividly but other stuff is quite sketchy in my mind. I felt I had moved on from it but tonight I feel incredibly sad for the younger me. It also makes me angry that I never told my parents for if they had known they would have moved heaven and earth for me. I feel that is the reason every1 took advantage of me as I m weak and compliant. I dnt expect a response but wanted to say something and I guess this is the easiest way

I'm so sorry for your pain.

I have no real advice though so hopefully someone can help you on here x

I'm so sorry for what happened. You're not weak and compliant, you were small and vulnerable and any blame lies squarely with the abusers.
I don't know the best advice to give, sorry, just didn't want you to think no-ones listening.

Thanks for replying. I do know it wasn't my fault but it makes me mad remembering wat happened and not speaking up. I haven't told any1 else as all of them are much older and married with families. It feel very bitter at times. I m sure there must have been happy days of my childhood but somehow this overshadows everything else for me

do you think telling your parents now would help?
Im sorry that you went through this, i hope things get better for you

Thanks for the concern. I had a good cry last night and feel much better now. I get down about once a month. I should b fine now.

Do you ever still see the cousins? Do your parents know now?

I would suggest that you try to find a good counsellor that you can talk to about this. It doesn't seem to be a major life crisis at present, so you have time to find a really good one, who is experienced and you click with.

One other thing, are you going through a life changing event at present? Eg. childbirth, marriage, divorce, bereavement? Because that could be bringing it back to the surface. Or maybe one of your children is reaching the age you were? Or have you visited the place it happened?

You don't have to answer these questions here, they are just ideas for you to ponder.

Hi mummy I dnt have any children but I do have 2 nieces and a nephew. I feel very scared for them as they are in the kind of joint family set up I was in with lots of cousins coming and going and servants and drivers. I tried to impress on my sisters that they should b vigilant and educate their children who are toddlers. I dnt want to make them paranoid but it's a very real concern. Also it's very difficult to police your child 24/7.
I haven't thought about going to a councillor as I usually get over it after a night of crying. I dnt know how I would go about finding one. Also I dnt remember most of what happened, just a few places and certain details. How will some1 help if I dnt knw wat exactly happened?

counsellor not councillor

It wasn't your fault, you were abused because the people who abused you are abusers.

Starfisher I dnt see them anymore. Haven't done so for many years. And by now it will b a case of my word against theirs. As I said they are much older and quite powerful. I wouldnot want harm to come to my family because of this

You probably don't remember because it is part of your brains way of coping. Its just if things do start to come to the surface it can help to talk to someone in a strictly confidential environment, and someone who can help you see that it wasn't your fault.
A doctor is often the first place to look for a counsellor, you don't have to tell them why. Or a specialist help line.