Who should go?

[mumof4sons]

My DS 18 has Aspergers, is severely depressed and suffers from OCD. He has a psychiatric appointment on Friday morning. Who should go with him?

A) Me - the woman who gave birth to him, the one who has been there for absolutely every illness, went to all the school events, wakes him up every morning and cooks his meals every night. The one who first notice her son had depression and OCD. The one who took him to the doctor first. The one who pushed the doctor to help him and not fob him off. The one that lives with him 24 hours a day seven days a week. The one that deals with all the crap that comes with his conditions and the fallout of his spiralling moods. The one who cries herself to sleep because her baby is suffering and she can't do anything to help him.

B) His Dad - who walked out on the family just before said DS did his GCSEs. The Dad who couldn't be bothered to go to his son's awards evenings. The dad that did not see his son for the first six weeks after walking out on the family. The dad who now only sees his son for 96 hours a month. The dad who can not be contacted in case of an emergency. The dad who quibbles over every penny of maintenance he has to pay. The dad who has to have any messages about his son go through a solicitor first. The dad who only cares when it is convenient. The dad who lets his whore of a partner kick his eldest son out of their love nest because DS is an inconvenience and doesn't speak to her.

Who I ask you?

Your ds is an adult.

Have either you or his father been asked by the pyschiatric unit to attend the appointment with him?

If this is is an appointment for assessment it's probable that your ds will be seen alone and, depending on the outcome, it may be that his relatives/significant others will be asked to attend at a later date.

i don't think it matters much who takes the lad for his assessment.

You sound bitter and depressed yourself. I am sorry it has come to this. I don't know what advice to offer you other than have you thought about attending the Divorce Recovery Workshop

Unless it would cause undue upset for your son you should both go.

You are both his parents.

Don't bother to answer. He's just let me know that I am a crap mother and that he thinks the sun shines out his father's arse. Don't have to take him as he has decided to he doesn't want to live here.

Couldn't leave this unanswered.

You are not a crap mother, for all the reasons you have already stated, and many, many more besides. Your son is lashing out at the person he is closest to and feels safest to lash out at - you.

If he moves out, try to maintain the best relationship you can with him. He needs you and will continue to need you in the future.

That's solved the problem - he'll be able to go on his own, won't he?

Try not to get too stressed, honey. Spend some time being kind to yourself.

Have one of these and put your feet up, or call a mate and have a chat.

You have already said he is severely depressed, which means he's not seeing the world as it is.

Would anyone be allowed in to the appointment with him? At his age I would think they'd want to speak to him on his own.

Do you know what? If I were you, I'd say, "Oh okay, love" and then book myself a lovely day out. A morning swim, a lunch with a friend, buy something nice, even if it's just a chocolate eclair for later. Then go home at your leisure.

Please don't take offence at what someone is saying when they are in pain.

Not sure it's applicable to Aspergers, but this type of behaviour is typical of someone who craves his dad's attention and love.

He is sure of yours.