My life has fallen to pieces - i would appreciate some advice (long sorry!)

[blackout23]

Hi

I posted a few weeks ago about my dp cheating yet again - took the advice and finished with him. We are still sharing the house at the moment until we both find alternative accommodation. We are going to let it for a while and then sell it when the market gets a bit better.

I had to walk out of my job yesterday. I have been getting bullied by my boss for the past few months she is a complete cow. My mum is the manager in the hotel i used to work in and this woman who is my boss is just above my mum in terms of management. My mum was getting bullied by her too and signed off with stress in December. 2 weeks after my mum signed off, she found out she had a hernia and needed an operation. She went for the operation and they found there were actually 4 hernia's, not just the one so it was a pretty big operation. 2 months later and she is still in hospital in a lot of pain after contracting infection after infection due to a dirty hospital and dirty staff which is being dealt with by my dad and a lawyer at the moment.

Yesterday i read some emails this woman and our general manager were sending to each other about my mum and they were really really nasty. saying things like shes a waste of space and becoming a complete and utter pain because they cant sack her whilst she is sick and she is taking the piss. shes actually in hospital really ill at the moment and if they had bothered to go and see her, they would see that she is not well and not just 'faking it and taking the piss' like they said she is. I was furious and felt that because of the behavior of all of the bosses in the building, i was no longer able to work within the establishment. The past few months have been difficult for me too because they changed my shifts to times when nurseries are closed, when there are no buses available to take me to and from work and to shifts that they knew would be difficult for me to work. Snide comments from the general manager about how 'fat' i have become in recent months and just general comments about how i do my make up and how i could do with losing a few pounds. Hurtful comments.

I walked out in floods of tears and they still haven't got in touch to find out what has gone on so they must have realised i read the emails that were left in the communal inbox, so i didn't hack into anyones account to read them. My union rep is taking things further for me.

I find today that i am in no position to claim any benefits, i have a 3 year old DD and can't afford half the mortgage anymore so my ex now wants me out of the house and i have nowhere to go. If i contact the local council, i will be housed in temporary accomodation with all the junkies and dolies of the day and i really don't want that for myself or my daughter.

I haven't got a penny to my name, i need nappies, i have no idea what to do.

Has anyone got any advice for me?

I can't ask my parents for money as they are struggling at the moment too.

I have never been in this situation before and i have no idea what to do. I have been applying for loads and loads of jobs but i have heard nothing back and it's getting really frustrating now.

How long were you employed there? You may have a very good case for Constructive Dismissal - and if you have household insurance quite often the costs of that are covered. Did you keep evidence of the e mails?

is DD your dp's daughter too? in which case he's surely not so heartless as let her go without or to be put in a hostel?
Can you stay with your parents, esp as your mum is in hospital?

Very sorry about your Mum. I hope she recovers soon.

Did you actually hand your notice in? If not, could you get signed off with stress and get sick pay for a while while you sort yourself out?

The property situation sounds complicated too, maybe post in legal about that?
I'd think carefully about renting it out - what if you get a dodgy tenant for a few months that doesn't pay? You could still end up at risk of repossession. Also, unless you are in an area that is about to attract investment, no reason for the market to go up anytime soon so you could be tied to this man financially for years.

you are in the union?
they would be a good start.
hope your mum recovers soon

Did you print out the emails?

You walked out but presumably didn't tell anyone? You just left?

So phone in sick, get along to your GP and get signed off. That should give you a few weeks breathing space as a start.

Yes...several issues here.

First, the hotel has to be sued. They broke the law by bullying you and you were constructively dismissed. Can you get copies of the emails? Can you log into the system at home? If yes, do so.

But that doesn't help you sort out your immediate problem, does it. You need money for food and nappies - that's an emergency situation.

Why can't you get benefits? Is it because you walked out of your job? I believe that only applies to Jobseekers Allowance, you should be able to claim Income Support - as well as Child Tax Credits (which I expect you're already getting). Get yourself down to the CAB asap and they can give you proper impartial advice.

If you desperately need money right now, you can get a Crisis Loan. Tell them you have no food (don't mention nappies, that's not considered urgent) and that your electricity and gas meters are running out of credit (even if you don't have those). Because of your little girl, you almost certainly WILL get some money the same day.

I would also suggest you get to your GP as Tempted said. Explain exactly what has happened, say you can't stop crying & shaking & s/he'll sign you off work which will help when claiming benefits.

Stuff the mortgage for now. Ex-P will have to pay it. Does he want to see his daughter on the street?

Please try not to worry too much, although I know that's easier said than done. Sending you lots of luck xx

Hi,

You are going through a tough time, it sounds awful for you. I think others have given good advice. Can u stay with your mum? How awful to treat your mum that way and caling you fat. Nasty bitches. Don't worry karma will come knocking on there door.

Could you not go above the general manager. Who owns it? Possibly they might get sacked from people above them. Any good company would not put up with bullying and don't feel guilty they deserve the sack. You might be able to work back there without all the bullying.

Hi all thanks for your advice, i feel a bit better today.

Yes it has been constructive dismissal they wanted me out of the job months ago because i was unable to work full time and they said that a hotel doesnt run well with part time staff which is ridiculous. I am seeking legal advice for how to take things further.

I have printed of several copies of the emails and i have a diary full of dates and proof of bullying.

my DP is not my DDs father, her father dissapeared of the face of the earth 3 years ago leaving me lots of debt and a child. How nice of him.

I said to the duty manager on duty that day that i was handing in my notice with immediate effect and walked out. I have a meeting with our operations manager today and i will explain to him what has been going on.

I am scared to take it to head office and the head of the company because they are all very tight at the top and it's a power/ego trip as to who is who in the company. I think it may backfire on me if i was to take it to head office so i will wait and see what my union advise.

thank you for the advice, i'm just going to take each day as it comes

I can't claim income support according to the job centre because i live with my ex partner and he works - even though he earns very little i am not considered liable to claim any benefits which is disgusting as i have contributed to the system for years and never claimed. I thought it was supposed to be a safety net. Its a lifestyle choice now for all the lazy people who won;t work.

I

Temporary accommodation full of *junkies and dolies' nice!
You may find that it's actually full of people just like you in your position.

Anyway- you sound like you have had a lot of horrible thongs happen in a short space of time. You need to get things official with your exh- then persue a housing benefit claim and possibly income support. Go to your local housing place they can help
You figure out what information and the relevant steps you need to take

Hi Blackout, I'm really sorry that you have ended up inn this situation, but now is the time to take control otherwise it's not going to get better and you have a child to think about.

If you're that strapped for cash you firstly need to sell everything (& I mean everything) you don't need - think of it as a clear out before you move.
Take any jewellery etc to those cash4gold people, eBay all your old kids clothes, toys, bags, shoes, CDs, DVDs, games consoles the works. Dig out any old mobiles and sell those - www.moneysaving expert.com has an excellent comparison tool to see where you'd get the best price.

Secondly the good news is if you have worked in a hotel you have transferable skills - it's the service industry, so hit the streets today/tomorrow and look at every shop window to see if macdonalds/pubs/restaurants/shops/supermarkets need sales staff/waitresses/cleaners/whatever your experience is, and apply then and there for the job.

I know your Dad has other things on his plate at the moment with your mum in hospital, but do you think he could watch your DC in the evenings for you, (hopefully at 3 they're sleeping through) so you could do babysitting (put a card up in the local shop), night shifts at a local factory or shelf stacking, something that will give you some cash to put food on the table.

Long term (I.e. next week, not next month, after you've had time to do the above) you need to:

1.contact the CSA and get them to track down your DC's father for maintenance, if he's never paid you're owed a fair amount in back payments.

2.you need to sit down with your ex and say the house needs to be sold asap (realistically the housing Market isn't going to do a wild upturn in the next year or two and do you really want to be tied to him for that time, equally if you move out and don't manage to rent, or it's empty for a month or two you'll have to find the additional mortgage money).

Sorry to be harsh, but this is not the time to stick your head under the duvet and wish it all to go away, however much you want to, you need to make change happen.

So go now and dig out what can be sold and get busy - you can do this.

Claim JSA

Go to the hostel. You have no choice here and can't afford to be picky! And they are not all that bad! 'dolie' ? Well that's the same status as you, so start looking past your prejudices and do something practical

And if course you won't get benefits if you are still in ' a relationship' in the house with your dp.... It's not disgusting at all

You CAN claim benefits , i claimed while in a similar position . The staff in the job centre are often ill informed , make an apointment with cab .

You need to make it clear to the Jobcentre that you and exDP are not in a relationship. They are looking at your claim in terms of you and DC being dependants of his, which you are clearly not.
You need to be clear that he is charging you rent and get a contract from him for this.
I am assuming the house is his and your contribution is not accumulating an asset for you. If thats not the case and you are in a joint mortgage, you will not be able to claim housing benefit.

If you have a joint mortgage he cannot make you leave . You need to see a soliciter asap . He will have to contribute towards the mortgage whether he lives there or not and you will be able to claim mortage interest support .

Dont panic , i was in the exact same position and it IS doable .