does sex make a marriage?

[Helenfellows33]

need some advice really since having my dc's (they are 2 and 7 months) i have not felt like having sex with my dh. he works away in the week and says twice a week us not enough and our marriage is basically in tatters if i don't feel like jumping him every five seconds. i have told him how exhausted i am with looking after the house and children (i don't have help in this from him apart from DIY that sort of thing) and he just says I'm making up excuses and not listening. i would happily be together take the pressure off and cuddle etc but that's not enough either. so according to him its put out or clear off. what would you do? is a marriage without sex still a marriage?

Sorry OP but I agree with Diggs. He says to you that if you dont have sex then theres no point in being together. So he doesnt value you at all as a partner other than as a shag, and a shag that should be available whenever he wants irrespective of whether you want sex? It doesnt sound like much of a relationship.

In answer to your question, no sex doesnt make a marraige. Most couples begin a relationship by having sex as often as possible but thats not sustainable all the time when you have busy jobs, kids etc. Ive got a newborn so I know what its like. There are relatively long periods when we dont have sex but he's still the person I most want to spend time with in the world, who makes me laugh, is caring, compassionate etc.

If my DP said that there was no point to our relationship other than sex I would be reevaluating whether to stay.

I know a couple of friends of friends whose husbands have very high sex drives and just don't understand why their wives don't want it as frequently as before they had children.

My partner and I have had sex about twice in the last five months but I'm pregnant and we've got a 2 year old so we're both too knackered! He may joke about not getting enough, but it's most definitely a joke and when I ask him, he says its normal and he's confident we'll get back to having a more active sex life once the children are a little older!

Not sure what I'm trying to say - just that for me, it's really important that my partner is on the same page as me. Do you feel that you can get to the point where there is a mutual understanding?

he will have to be on the same page won't he. we do have good times its not all bad infant the only negative in our relationship is the lack of sex from me. he has said its no marriage without sex and that's what i intend to discuss with him, and ask for more help while he us here so I'm less tired and more available for time for us be that sexual or not. if he can't cope with that and wishes to leave there is nothing i can do about that is there?

infact not infant

Hi Helen, he has said its no marriage without sex - I understand that compared to before it might feel like nothing, but sex twice a week is actually loads, especially considering your young family. I hope your chat with your dh goes well and that he starts to understand how selfish and unfeeling he is sounding... You could show him this thread so that he knows that he is the one who is sounding and being unreasonable, not you.

after a long chat this weekend the light has suddenly dawned on him. he has asked to do less hours at work and said he would help more. he did say what he said was to get a reaction from me :( hopefully ill feel more up for it when i have more help at home.

"the only negative in our relationship is the lack of sex from me"
Er... not in my opinion! His "entitled" attitude would be a massive problem for me, not to mention the fact that he "won't change nappies!" WTAF??? They're his kids too, presumably.
Why are you taking all this crap from him? Why is it all your fault that you're "only" having sex twice a week? Surely that's partly because he's away all week, which is down to him? If he were around more, then there might be more opportunity to shoe-horn in the odd quickie. As it is, you have to make up for lost time at the weekend and, with two small children in the house there can't be many opportunities other than late at night when, not unreasonably, you're tired. But this is all your fault. Can't he see that it's circumstances?
I'm glad you think that your marriage is perfect in all other ways. I couldn't last a day with someone who emotionally blackmailed me in such a way.