Has anyone been to Relate?

[NorthernGobshite]

DH and I have been having problems for many eyars now but things reached an all time low at the weekend and we agreed that we either seperate or seek counselling. We both want to make things work - for us and for our dd (7) - so have booked to see Relate in 4 weeks time.
Has anyone been and found it useful? I just think we need someone to help us talk through things becuase whenever we try, it ends in arguments.

Anyone?!!

HI there, My DH went to Relate last summer and had 6 sessions. We found it really helpful and such a relief for us both be able to talk through our issues and for the cousellor to say "I'm not surprised you both feel like you do". We both reallly wanted our relationship to work for the sake our DC's. Most of our arguments stem from being overtired with work and looking after the DC's. I'm certain you will find it beneficial if you both want your relationship to work. Good luck.

My Ex and I had one session with Relate soon after I left him. I found it really helpful, they help you to talk and listen. They explained to both of us that Ex was abusive, that I should not get back with him and suggested courses for him to do that would be helpful.

They also suggested books and therapy for me and explained that should i decide to get back together with him, they would help us draw up a relationship contract with clear boundaries.

We went for 8 or so sessions end of last year, in a similar state to you, plus unadmitted but suspected infidelity by h.

They were fantastic, and it saved our marriage.
Wish we had gone years ago.

I would say that you both have to be willing to state your real feelings and not prevaricate, excuse etc. On the other hand, the counsellor we had was fairly good at spotting when that happened, and moving us passed it.

For my part, I can say that the counselling helped me to get my points heard and acknowledged by my h- at home he just used to deny everything I said to be the case, and we would go round in circles endlessly. He saw even by week 2 that that wasnt going to work here, and he admitted loads of what I said was fair.

For his part, he talked about alot of his feelings, and was able to look at the reasons for them, even though at home he had worked very hard to keep it all on an intellectual level.

So great for us.

Hi, OP. Before your counselling session I would advise you prepare beforehand what it is you want to say and achieve so the session/s can be focussed. My own experience was that ExH hijacked the session with an almost hour-long rant, to the dismay of the poor counsellor I think! I realised it would be futile to say anything at that session, which was a one-off, because we were separated by then and his was the very last voice I wanted to hear, on any subject .

For those who counselling really helps, I think its important to do a regular 'health check' on the relationship going forward, and not let things go unspoken like before. I wish you the best of luck .

Yes, although it didn't work for me and XP. He did storm out at one point when the penny dropped he had behaved like an abusive asshole then tried to buck his ideas up for a few weeks. Then it all went downhill again and I ended it.

But, I'm glad we went. Made the actual break up much easier.

I think we are both ready for it. DH had counselling when his parents died so he knows what to expect and I work in similar 'industry'. I think we just need someone to help us express how we feel and what we think are the problems as we are unable to do it ourselves. It always ends in an argument.

I feel we owe it to each other and our child to try and resolve issues.

H and I had been going round in circles for ages and we have now had about 13 sessions with Relate (quite a lot). It has not been easy and there has been a lot of soul searching but our counselor has been really even-handed and frank with us. She has given us 'strategies' to use which have been really useful so we don't fall into the usual traps.
Yes, I'd definitely recommend it, but both parties need to be open minded and see that they are not there to blame the other but learn and move forward.
Good luck!