Anyone else physically repulsed by their body at times?

[OurLittleSecret]

When I say my body I do mean, in particular my privates/genitals.
No doubt this is a bit odd. I was sexually abused as a child, and I think this is where a lot of it stems from. I had a trautmatic instrumental delivery with dc1 soon got pg again as I bullied myself into dtd as I wanted a second dc close in age. Dc2 had a very easy birth. But since then I have not had sex or been remotely intimate with dh ( dc2 is 11 months). I am virtually freaked out by me and I quite simply don't want anyone to touch me. Really not sure where to go from here.

Not genitals but body yes as I overeat and do not exercise. :(

Therapy, is working for me for different reasons :) Good luck.

Oh I think you need to talk to someone who specialises in childhood sexual abuse.

Have you talked to your dh about this?

Hi OLS,

I agree talking about it is a positive step, therapist, DH, both? It's such a complex issue. I have not restored any sort of sexual relationship months after DS born but suffered sexual abuse in childhood too and it's so difficult, I feel for you in your situation. I may go back to therapy to address things at some point though no idea when with a young DS.

I hope you can start to untangle things soon.

I was sexually abused too and several years ago, I had issues there. I hadn't really thought through the nuts and bolts of that particular level of abuse. I think it might be an idea to think it through yourself, with support if you want (counselors are well able to hear this stuff) but match the mind work with body work ie hand on yourself thinking thoughts of welcome, acceptance, forgiveness for that area and so on. Looking into Caroline Myss and Louise Hay if you're into that sort of thing. x

Thank you for your replies.

tallwivglasses hubby is no good at these sorts of things at all. dc2 is still in our room at the moment so it is the perfect excuse. However dc2 is moving in with dc1 in a month as almost sleeping through now.

what2eatwhenurbored - sorry to hear you are in a very similar situation. How old is your dc? is your dh being understanding?

somethingtosay I would like to think that i could do that - but I really am so repulsed. I just shut off from those parts of my body. Over the last couple of years my body has almost been a means to an end - to get the family I desperately wanted and love. My body now means nothing to me - probably because it has all caused me so much emotional pain over the years.

I cant even begin to think about touch, sex seems like an impossibilty now, and I am due a smear too and I can safely say that wont happen either :(

I feel such a fuck up.

Wouldnt know where to start with Gp either - although I did disclose the abuse in the last pg as it was all getting a bit much. And as you say what2eat - where do you fit time in to sort these things with small people about?