Hello,
I would love some honest views on whether the current pickle I am in could be down to my bonkers pg hormones (I am 30 weeks atm) or if my marriage has a terminal problem. I apologise in advance if this is a bit long ... I want to make sure I give as clear a picture as possible but appreciate most some people might not make it to the end!
DH and I have been together for 7 yrs, married for 4. He had a very difficult childhood which had left him emotionally screwed up but at the time we got together, he had been through a lot of counselling and was, I thought, up to being in a healthy relationship.
A long term source of stress for both of us was our inability to conceive naturally - obviously this was very hard. We were blessed last year with a successful round of IVF and our little miracle wriggler is doing very well - hopefully she will be making an appearance in May. However, IVF obviously carries with it a lot of stress and I think we might both be struggling with that still, as well as with the amazing but terrifying prospect of being parents.
Since January-ish, I have felt things are not right between us. We have not had sex since before the IVF treatment. I reacted badly to the drugs which made things impossible for the first few months; and then - TMI warning - when I was ready for some rumpy, DH decided he didn't want to do anything unless it was raunchy / rough and, because of some early scares with the pregnancy, I felt I'd rather try something a bit more gentle and romantic first. DH didn't pressure me, but simply has not been interested in me in that way since.
We sleep in separate rooms because of his snoring (he has a problem with the bits at the back of his throat so it is properly horrendous snoring, not the odd cute snuffle). We sit on different sofas because he thinks I get too 'schmultzy.' He goes out a lot with his friends (which I think is important as he might not get the time to see them after the LO is here!) but this means he is too tired or hungover to make time for me.
He has recently started to make fun of me in front of people - for example, a couple of weeks ago, we were with some friends (one of whom is also a client of mine) and he started telling people how much I'd spent on maternity pants and how it was a waste of money because "it's not like they are sexy or anything." I was mortified, as were most of the people we were with as it really wasn't in keeping with the rest of the conversation.
He has also told people things about me that aren't true like I am so high maintenance, I "insisted" my parents came round to do our housework ... In fact, they stayed in our house while we were on holiday so they could see exhibitions etc in London and then, before they left, they cleared up after themselves. It was nice that they did but I certainly didn't "insist" and I'd done our housework before we left so they weren't clearing up after us. He later said he said it for a laugh and because it was more comical than telling the truth.
I feel he is making me out to be all the things that he thinks were wrong with the women who looked after him when he grew up and it's making me very sad. Like he's transfering all that angst onto me so he has a tangible (and currently vulnerable) target.
The latest thing is that, when I try to talk to him about how I feel, he accuses me of being hormonal, erratic and hysterical because I'm pg. He tries to dismiss what I say with comments like "here you go again, making mountains out of molehills." But they aren't molehills to me. I am sure hormones are making me a bit more sensitive than usual but I also think that to be feeling this way for so long means it's more than that.
We have just come back from a week away and all I kept thinking was that he is like a stranger to me. I want to be enjoying our little miracle yet I feel sad, belittled, ignored, lonely and like he could just throw accusations at me (or about me behind my back) for no reason. He thinks I am depressed and need to get help and a sense of humour about things.
I suppose I could be depressed but I don't feel depressed; just sad that our relationship has come to this. I still enjoy my work and seeing my friends and I can't wait until our baby arrives - oddly though, I think I would now be just as happy if I am looking after her by myself even though I know it's going to be hard work.
Does that sound like depression? Or hormones? Or should I bite the bullet and get on with working out how we co-parent once we seperate?
I am sorely tempted to book myself into a spa hotel for a few days to get some space but when I suggested that, he told me to "fuck off."
Hmmmmmm. Seeing all this written down, it doesn't look good, does it?
Please have a large 
and lots of 
if you've made it this far...