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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Anhyone got any positive stories about being pushing fifty and finding a lovely man?

45 replies

nkf · 04/03/2012 11:34

Feel sooooo old.
Been separated for a while now. Tempted to try. But so nervous. How likely is it that a frumpy old thing like me will find a partner?

OP posts:

Original poster

nkf · 04/03/2012 19:30

Saucy! I guess there's no point making a chap wait at that age.

OP posts:

Bossybritches22 · 04/03/2012 19:37

Inspiring thread, hope for this over 50 then!

Punkatheart · 04/03/2012 20:01

For 20 years I thought I had the man of my dreams, who I could grow old with, who I could love without holding anything back. I gave everything I had - trusted him, felt he was my rock. When he left me last July, it was the biggest shock of my life. Now we have finally separated, there is no hope and I am a strange lost little girl. This afternoon I went to a pizza restaurant with my DD. She was chattering away and I just couldn't stop staring at a couple with a young child. They were so happy, so involved, as if all the other people in the room had faded away. I zoned out, just staring. It took my daughter to tell me that I was crying.

These stories are inspiring, so lovely. But for me - there will be no one else. It is not about age, although my face of late has taken on a sad aspect - I look tired, lost. It is trust. I will never be able to look at a man with the same level of trust. I will just be wondering when he is going to hurt me. That's not a great position to take.

But as I say, these stories are beautiful. There is no one out there for me - of that I am sure. But I think that you are wise and lovely women - I can imagine that any man would be lucky to have you in their lives.

So more stories, please.

piellabakewell · 04/03/2012 20:24

I met my lovely man aged 42 when he was 46...that's close enough to pushing 50!

flumposie · 04/03/2012 21:08

I feel exactly the same way you do at the moment Punkatheart, but these stories are inspiring and i hope in time the way i feel might change

Original poster

nkf · 04/03/2012 21:18

I think so. I really do. July is very recent, PunkatHeart.
And perhaps the fact you clicked on this thread suggests that hope is not entirely dead.
And, yes, please do keep these lovely stories coming.

OP posts:

susiedaisy · 04/03/2012 21:30

Trusting another person with your emotional happiness, and your hopes and dreams is a big thing indeed, not sure if I will ever be ready for that after my exH trampled all over the top of mine without a backward glance, I try to be optimistic, but it does seem such a huge step doesn't it?

Original poster

nkf · 04/03/2012 21:34

I'd like to love someone again though. And be loved by them. But I've only just started thinking like this. For months after the split, I'd have given a hollow laugh if anyone had even suggested it.

OP posts:

Heleninahandcart · 04/03/2012 21:34

nkf yes self esteem is the first thing to go in a bad marriage. This is why you will have your twat radar on along with that lipstick whilst you browse the internet/streets to see if the local manhood meets with your particular specification whilst you decide if any man is good enough for you

ApplesinmyPocket · 04/03/2012 21:45

My mother met (at work) and subsequently married a widower when she was 53, and then followed the happiest 25 years of her life. He was a wonderful stepdad to me and a much loved Grandad to my DDs, was kind and loving and devoted to my Mum. They have both died now and I miss them dreadfully, but I love looking back on those happy years she had.

So yes, there is definitely hope! My mum was cuddly and funny but not 'glamorous' and yet it happened for her. I'm sure you're not 'a frumpy old thing', OP, but anyway all you need is a smily face, happy eyes, and a big pinch of luck to be in the right place at the right time, and I am hoping very much that happens for you!

joanofarchitrave · 04/03/2012 21:50

A dear relative of mine came out of a looooooong and really rather awful marriage aged in her late 50s, enjoyed being by herself for a little bit, gradually started doing things she liked for herself, contacting old friends etc. Then at her 60th birthday party she seemed.... I don't know.... sparkly. She'd met somebody new. They are still together 17 years later, they have never lived together and still sparkle at each other.

handmedownqueen · 05/03/2012 09:36

I helped my 50 year old male friend who had given up on life back out there. He nevere thought it would happen for him. He met a lovely 48 year old lady, they are so loved up. Six months after they met she was really feeling fat and frunpy with no hair after a mastectomy and chemo. My friiend remained besotted. Its proof that you should never give up on love and life

iCANdothisiCAN · 05/03/2012 09:55

Tears in my eyes reading this!

punkatheart I feel exactly as you do right now but i'm determined to change it eventually. I've set aside a year for "grieving" then that's it, socks will be pulled up and head will be forcibly removed from rear!

It's stories like this that convince me it's possible!

op unmumsnetty I know but have a ((( ))) anyway

KnottyLocks · 05/03/2012 10:06

My lovely lovely friend divorced after 20ish years of marriage. She said she would never marry again.

She met a wonderful man, a few years younger than her. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer, he was just the most amazing support. After coming through that together, they married and are now about to begin their retirement. They simply adore each other.

mothermirth · 05/03/2012 10:53

I met my soon-to-be DH online five years ago, after leaving a 15-year abusive relationship. He's 51 and I'm 48. He is truly a DH.

You will meet someone? if you want to. You have to get out there, enjoy yourself and (most importantly) be yourself. Good luck!

cestlavielife · 05/03/2012 11:08

tks for the inspiring stories!
47 and ground down with work and DC; no time/no money to go out .... but one day, one day.... DC will get older and i'll be able to leave them home alone, join groups, evening classs etc...
punk - i feel for you but it is early days, some cbt type counselling or separated and divorced workshop like www.drw.org.uk might be helfpful?

Original poster

nkf · 06/03/2012 17:49

Lovely lovely stories. I want my own.

OP posts:

mojitomania · 07/03/2012 11:47

My dad met my stepmum when they were in their early 50s. Stepmum was a terrible mess due to her husband actually dying had a heart attack on the job with another woman. Dad wasn't much better due to my mum leaving after having a 10 year affair

They healed each other and were like Derby and Joan, bless.

They are my inspiration.

ameliagrey · 07/03/2012 11:52

Why do you refer to yourself as 50 and frumpy? I am over 50 and far from frumpy, as are all my friends.

50 is not old these days- it's all in your head.

Pop over to the style and beauty forum if need be and we will sort you out

ameliagrey · 07/03/2012 11:54

and to asnwer the question- it's yes! My mum- now in her 80s- has several friends who met their 2nd HDs ( either divorced or widowed) in their 50s and 60s, and we have a friend whose mum had two new partners after she was widowed- and the 2nd one was when they were both in their late 70s.

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