Husband keeps asking me to leave then changing his mind

[Jipjones]

We've been having problems with our relationship for months now and I'm sleeping in the spare room. We argue almost constantly and I never know what to expect from him. One minute he is lovely And the next he picks fault with anything just to start an argument. Last night he told me he wanted me to leave and go and live with my parents( this is the third time) I agreed that things between us have reached a point where its a horrible unhealthy wnvironment for both of us and our two children. But I said it was unreasonable for him to expect me to leave. My parents live 45 minutes from ds's school. He replied loudly ( in ds hearing) that he will have to change school then. He's done it before. Understandably ds was pretty upset.

Then he started to say it was entirely my fault, that he hates me and I am a depressing person who is always miserable and have been ever since he met me. (why on earth marry me then?) the only reason I'm a bit down is because our relationship is so bad. He says I have changed him and make him say mean things to me, that he was never t his. way before.

He told me to stop stringing it out and just go, he can't bear to look at me. Won't have me moving to be near ds school because he never wants to see me again.

I called my mum and explained he aituation(she knows what's been going on) and she said of course we can stay with them for a while.

AND THEN...

This morning he has been lovely and said he doesn't want us to leave and we owe it the children to try again.

Don't know what to think or do or what to make of his bizarre behaviour. Don't want to let ds's down but I don't know if I can just push everything under the carpet and carry on?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Oh it sounds like a lost cause! Why don't you file for divorce? He sounds awful.

Is he overworked/stressed, and that might be why he changed his mind on a Sunday morning, when he might have been feeling a bit more relaxed?

You are being abused

Google the nice/nasty cycle, and you will recognise your husband

How damaging do you think this is for your DCs listening to him belitting you at every opportunity,get rid of him,sorry if he has to pay rent tough luck he can't have it both ways,sounds very controlling are you supposed to be grateful that he wants you to stay.Don't think for one minute that because he had the house before you came along that he wouldn't have to leave,it's the family home !!! the home of his children so tough on him.

If you are married to him and have 2 DCs with him, then it doesn't matter that it's "his house" or that he owned it before you moved in, it's an asset of the marriage now, you are just as entitled to it as he is.

Realistically, you'll probably have to sell it, taking a share of equity each. Or he can buy you out.

Take control. See a solicitor for your free half hour, and take it from there. You are not doing anyone any favours by letting him call the shots like this.

Your marriage is dead in the water. You needed to have started talking about it long, long ago. Your feelings for each other are mostly contemptuous and tbh, your children are paying the price. It is horrible and toxic, and you would be wise to disentangle sooner rather than later. The worse things get, the less likely it is that you can preserve your self esteem, never mind any sort of dignified contact.

The fact that you act on his instructions reveals how worn down you are. What do you want? How do you want your children to remember their childhoods? Do you really want them to feel fear and hatred in their home?

You can still both be parents, but you are more likely to provide what your children need when you are apart if being together causes this much misery.

So how are you two planning on "trying one more time"? Do you mean that you are both just going to carry on as you have been doing for however long? If you really want to try again then you both need to be active, not just hang about waiting to see what happens.

I am not accusing you, or being judgemental or anything, but you really do need to have some sort of plan/agreement which involves both of you.

Have you discussed how you could each improve the relationship? Have you each agreed to make changes? (Personally I think you're prevaricating; he's manipulating you because he likes to hold something over you and make threats. I think you should be concentrating ending the marriage.)

I feel for you OP. If you have decided to prolong this marriage, please protect your children from any more of his abuse.

In the meantime, see a solicitor, get yourself on a waiting list for housing and prepare yourself for the 'next' time that it will happen. I wouldn't rule out the fact that he is having an affair - in which case, he will be clinging onto his cosy home and his cash for dear life.

You deserve better than this. As do your children.

Yes, see a solicitor, get all the information about what you can do to separate from him, how much he will have to pay in maintenance and what benefits you would be entitled to. And the next time he starts performing and being an arse, tell him (depending on what you have found out from solicitor) that the marriage is over and either you will be moving out or he will be moving out.
If he then becomes aggressive or threatening or violent, call the police and have him removed. If he is very aggressive it may be possible to get an occupation order which means he is removed from the house, legally forbidden to return and you and DC get to stay there (oh and he will still have to pay maintenance).

Reported kate. Op the house is just as much yours as it is his, i suggest you go and see a solicitor for advice as to what you are entitled to, and yes if you will be having the dc live with you for the majority then he legally must pay you maintenance.

ZOMBIE EVERYONE

OP. It doesn’t matter if he owned the house before you met. You have children and you are married. You are entitled to a share of assets. Most courts make a order for you to stay in the house until your child reaches 18. They put the kids needs 1st and like you say, he wants to stay near his school. Do you really want to be with somebody who acts like this and doesn’t really want to be with you? I would advise a few things. Firstly, contact time to talk or a local counsellor to help you get stronger dealing with this. Book to see a family solicitor to get advice on your rights. He is unpredictable so you need to get ready. Make sure you have a separate bank account. Put money away that he doesn’t know about and has no access to. Know your rights!! Take all your important documents, passports, kids birth certificates etc and store at your parents house. Start getting yourself into a position of not being reliant on him. Get child benefit set up and paid directly into your account. Get yourself trained up to do something. Start looking into courses or get yourself a few hours work a week. This man doesn’t love you and it will end at some point so get yourself ready.

Stop letting him call all the shots.

The house is as legally yours as it is his. You are married.

He can't afford to rent anywhere = not your problem.

He wants out? He moves out. Why should your son face the disruption of either having to change schools or a lengthy commute every day? Why would he want to put his son through that? That right there tells you this is a deeply selfish man.

As for 'one more try' - you're just prolonging it. Your marriage is over. He sounds vile. Use the next month to get legal advice (on the quiet) and get your ducks in a row. Then get him out.

he needs to see what single looks like - tell him to go.

This tthread is 6 years old!

Ooops didn't even notice. Zombie thread!

ah. bugger! i normally spot them! sorry!

I hope the OP took the twat for every penny he is worth. Manipulative bastard.