I'm breaking...

[Intrum]

Writing from my phone so please excuse spelling errors.

I'm on the verge of breakdown and feel so lonely I dont know what to do. I started working full time last month and ever since me and DH has done nothing but arguing. We've got 2 DS's, youngest is 18 months so have been a sahm since he was born. I've never wanted to stay home for longer than this and don't feel whole if I don't work. My DH has always known this.

Whilst I was at home I did all the housework and didn't mind, but now that I am working dh does still not lift a finger! It's stressing me out cause I don't have time to do all the housework and cooking on my own!

He likes going out but he does not like going out with me which makes me stuck in the house avlot as I don't have many friends. Having said that, I was actually invited to someone I know bv riefly's house last night, dh knew this but 'forgot' and went straight out after work and did not answer his phone so I couldnt go.

Also, i'm foreign and he's a brit. I have recently started feeling tgat everyone wants me out of this country, I tried to discuss it with dh to feel better anout it but he just shouted at me that I was being silly.

So i'm stuck in a foreogn country where everyone wants me to leave, no friends and a husband I cant talk or socialise with who gets angry when I don't clean or don't want to have sex.

I want to go home but that would mean taking my ds's from their dad and I dont want them to pay the price... Don't know what to do please help...

He sound like an idiot, if you both work fulltime he needs to pull his weight. Maybe the new job will help you make more friends? It hard being a mum and meeting people, but the more you try the more you will. You need to have a talk and make him realise that it's a partnership and you both have to do the boring stuff.

I know but he gets angry every time I try to bring it up. He thinks he is doing housework so gets really defensive, but that is hoovering half-heartedly downstairs once a week and putting one half-full dishwasher on once a week where he couldn't be bothered to put all the dishes in.

You sound really down Intrum and like it's making you really see the world through dark glasses. You say you'd like to go home - how would your life be there? Would you get support from family? Do you still have friends there?

It is really tough being in a new country, and your partner should be supporting you through this, not shouting at you for telling him how you feel. I understand how you feel, and I hope you don't feel like 'everyone wants me to leave' for long.

And WTF to him not wanting to go out with you?? I understand that couples may not want to go EVERYWHERE together (I don't bring my DP out with me to everything, nor do I go to all his social occasions) but it sounds like he never wants you to come along.

Its also worrying that he gets angry when you don't clean or want to have sex. You are not his live-in domestic sex worker, and it's concerning if he's making you feel that way.

You are a human being, with rights and worth, and a proper partner should make you feel better, not worse.

I would have a large network of family and friends, heavily subsidised childcare costs, quite confident it'll be easy to find a job BUT my sons would not keep regular contact with their dad who they love....

There are only so many conversations you can have with him, does he know you are considering going home? Any decision you make will be hard but you have to consider what's best for you all, and of you are not happy your dc won't be.

No, he doesn't know.
I'd like to try to separate and stay here, for the childrens sake, but the cost of living is so high here that I don't think i'd be able to afford being a single parent if I stay.

I know what is going to hapoen so not sure why i'm even asking for advice.

I'm going to stay with him, get on with it and put on a smiley face to the outside world. And live miserably ever after.

I'm not strong enough to leave.

write out social time and cleaning duties.

even if you dont go anywhere, you should get the same social time - go to library, fitness class, art class - take a book to a macdonalds - whatever just take the social time you are owed.

sort out cleaning duties. be specific - dont say ' you have kitchen i have bathroom' more specific than this.

go to relate

If you cant leave now then go about building your life here, make friends, join clubs/baby groups and build yourself a network. You don't have to be unhappy, you could do it alone and still give your dc contact with their dad but you have to be in the right head space, Don't give up on yourself or your dreams.

Who did the housework etc when you both worked pre kids? I don,t blame you for wanting to leave it sounds very unfair.