I cannot get him out of my mind.

[BigGirlInASmallWorld]

I grieve for my last partner. I miss his presence. I regret not telling him how i felt about him. I feel we knew each other. I see him less these days -imagination - and I talk to him less. I still feel great sadness and there was one other person after him, it has made no difference. It will be four years since my love said goodbye. I felt it knocked me for six. I isolated myself, i longed for him but at the time i couldn't tell him i was in love with him. I'm no good with words. He kept asking me how i felt and what i wanted and offered himself to me but i couldn't admit my love. I'd just come out of a long term relationship.. All the signs were there that he loved me but he didn't say either.

I felt that may have been his culture/stubborness etc but wasn't sure i did tell him that i was old fashioned guys should say first as that had been the case before him.

If a guy is in love with a woman he will say so. won;t he, every time?

My ex before him (together 12 years) told me he was in love with me, i believed him, didn't fel insecure.

I've tears now..i miss him, we laughed, got on well, i feel he was the one for me, maybe i'll never get over him?

Whats wrong with my mind to keep grieving over him like this almost 4 years later we were together about 12 months but not bf and gf officially.

I wish i could shake this awful cdependency on a guy i havent been out with for 4 years.

Last summer i bumped into him we gazed into each others eyes, very deep, i ran away.

I wish i told him how i felt

GRRRRRRRRRR

I'm having therapy which has helped me think about him less.

Chalk him up as the one who got away and breathe a sigh of relief that you let him go, because that level of dependency on another person to fill your needs and be all things to you is not healthy and it'll stunt your personal growth.

I'm glad your therapy seems to be helping you to move on - and I hope you'll start getting off on yourself, become happy in your own skin and enjoy spending time on your own before you consider embarking on another soulmate relationship.

If a man loves, respects, and cares for you, he'll declare his feelings and you're best advised to wait until he does so before you become overly emotionally attached to him.

Thank you izzyizin I am starting to get off on myself, just very recently, it is a small spark. I think you are very clever x

He didn't love me, how could he? My personal growth has been stunted since early childhood, im not that sure of whom i am yet, what strengths i have etc in terms of career etc. I still have a way to go, but i see me there, still learning but in a far better, far away place from all the hurt, pain and confusion.

Keep going babe, it'll come together, and ex man will become like a raggedy old teddy bear you pull out for comfort, but who is actually a mirage. ;)

Picture the woman you want to be and the lifestyle you want to have - and keep that image in your mind as you work to bring it into reality.

As it sounds as if your early experiences have impacted negatively on your adult life, I suggest you visit youtube and search Brad Yates EFT videos. The emotional freedom technique can be a valuable tool to removing those feelings that may hold us back and prevent us becoming all that we can be.

EFT does not confict with other therapies and it's free, easy, and takes very little time to repeat Brad's words and copy his actions. I often use 'tap of' the morning' when I've got a particularly challenging time ahead or just to get a boost of 'feelgood factor' to kickstart my day. Similarly, I use 'tap of the evening' to wind down and rid myself of stress.

Look at the list of Brad's videos and select a topic that you feel drawn to. You can 'tune in' to as many topics as you want in whenever you want, but if you choose one and practice it daily for a week you should experience a positive shift in your thinking on that particular subject.

I also advocate zazen (sitting) meditation which serves to enable us to recognise that we are considerably more than our thoughts and feelings and that we do not have to be imprisoned or restricted by them.