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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling fed up and disappointed with DH

9 replies

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 03/03/2012 10:32

I feel a bit guilty for posting here as some people on this board have genuine problems like cheating partners etc but just need to have a bit of a moan and a vent. I went out for a while last night to see some friends at one of their houses, a bit of a girly night in, I was driving so not drinking. This is rare for me since 1yo DD was born. DH assured me that he would manage fine with bathtime and bedtime. When I came home I found that although DD was indeed bathed and sleeping DH had not given her her vitamins, had bathed her without replacing the inflatable tap guard after running the bath and hadn't tied up the blind cords on the safety hooks after closing the blinds, which is the thing I am most pissed off about as that could be potentially very serious. As well as these things he hadn't done something else that I had asked him to do after DD was asleep that I hadn't had time to do myself before going out. I know that all of these things sound petty but its not the first time stuff like this has happened, I have suspected for a while that he deliberately fucks things up so that he won't get asked to do them again, although he denies this.

His general attitude is really beginning to piss me off, he works whereas I am a SAHM but I am up with DD every morning including weekends, he is still snoring in bed right now. He seems to think that as he is the breadwinner that is the only contribution he is required to make and it is impossible to talk to him as he just clams up, even if we could have a good argument it might clear the air a bit, I am just generally fed up and have nobody in RL that I feel I could talk to about it, thanks for listening if you have got this far.

OP posts:
Iheartpasties · 03/03/2012 10:40

I think all our our partners piss us off with small things they do. I know I get pretty annoyed with DH when really he does a lot. Depending on my mood I can sometimes let it go when sometimes it just really GETS to me!! Anyway just wanted to say that it doesn't soud like he did anything really bad, but still it is very annoying for you. i know my dh doesn't respond well if i have a go at him when im all wound up about something so maybe you need to take a few deep breaths, then try and talk it over when you feel calmer.

oranges · 03/03/2012 10:46

none of those things sounds huge, tbh. THey are things you start to do automatically after you do it every night - maybe he just needs to put her to bed more often.

madonnawhore · 03/03/2012 10:59

Yeah, none of those things are massive deals. He just obviously doesn't know the routine.

But I said this on another thread and I'll say it again here now: I can't understand men who think that having to bathe, feed and spend time with THEIR children is a chore.

His attitude towards the split of parenting duties is irritating. Yes, he works and you're a SAHM. But why does that mean he can't spend time with his DD? To give her a bath every night is a lovely opportunity to bond. He should look forward to being able to do things like that.

I think his attitude stinks. And I can understand why you're pissed off about blind cords, even though they're not the actual issue.

madonnawhore · 03/03/2012 11:01

Wow got a bit ranty there at the end (I have PMT, sorry!).

Maybe the more reasonable response is to get him to do bath time more often so he gets to know the routine.

KatAndKit · 03/03/2012 11:12

Pick your battles. Discuss with him the things that are really important.

Forget about the inflatable tap guard. Most people don't even have one. She had her bath, so he did that job.

The actual issue is that you don't think he is pulling his weight with looking after his child. Doesn't matter if he does it slightly differently to how you would do it (although the blind cord is a matter of common sense and since you have safety hooks he needs to use them). What matters is that he makes more of an effort.

As you say, you arrived home and she was bathed and sleeping so let that one go. You should get a lie in on one weekend morning - you have been working hard all week too. So he needs to choose if he is going to get up with her on Saturdays or Sundays from now on.

LilacWaltz · 03/03/2012 11:14

The blind cords are a big thing, but vitamins? Is this for a med condition?

ll31 · 03/03/2012 12:30

none of those things sound particularly earth shatteringly awful to be honest - perhaps the blinds but it depends - if she was in her cot and not getting out then really the blinds are not an issue I would have thought. It isn't you know absolutely essential that he does precisely everything that you do in exactly the same way - he's her father too... and presumably is probably as good at looking after her as you are -- - - and what are inflatable tap guards - sounds completely over the top to me but I will confess to being on the relaxed side of things...

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 10/03/2012 20:15

Quick update - I am trying to be a bit more chilled out about things not being done the exact way I would do them and DH knows to pay attention to the important safety stuff and best of all I got a lovely lie in this morning while he got her up and breakfasted, which will hopefully become more of a regular thing.

OP posts:
ashamednamechanger · 10/03/2012 21:17

It's true that these things in themself are not earth shatteringly important.
But when it occurs every single day, it becomes more than a mere irritation. You get left to do absolutely everything and the resentment grows and festers.
I had this, it has reached the point where I can barely bring myself to look at my DH never mind speak to him in a civil manner.
Be careful, it can grow into something more.

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