Does anyone else have a mum who only wants to hear about 'the good stuff'?

[muttimalzwei]

My Mum only seems to want to know about good things going on with me and makes it nigh on impossible for me to have a good moan about anything (interrupts/changes subject/glosses over it). She even said a few years ago not to trouble her with stuff until it had blown over 'as it always seems better in the morning'. I just feel that I should be allowed to confide in her. She has been away abroad for a while and I have been very overworked and stressed and she annoyed me so much making 'appointments' to call by landline and only wanting to hear all the good news. One particular night I just felt I had nothing positive to say so didn't pick up. She even texted once to say that she was going to be e mailing and couldl I reply to it so that she could read it while she was at the internet cafe. I was in town at the time and didn't feel like rushing home...She then said I had not been communicating enough with her and that it would deter her going out to the place abroad for such a long time again (two months). I know this is immature but the pressure for me to be 'perfect' just grates and sometimes when she is telling me about this and that restaurant and the lovely weather over there etc I just feel resentful, like she doesn't really want to know about what is really going on in my life and what pressures I am under. I am not sure of the psychology going on here but she is coming back next week and I am dreading seeing her to be honest and I am constantly thinking about it. Any insight or tips would be appreciated.

Thanks all, you are a big help. Sorry I haven't been back on the thread for a bit.

'I also like to think she does the best she can, as it helps me to be more compassionate to her.' I think this will be my mantra Plastic Flamingo for as long as I can bear it but HardCheese I can totally understand where you are coming from. Try and concentrate on being positive and getting a relationship with your mother that works for you. You must feel very let down sometimes though and I understand the need to want to have your mother in the most primitive way. I feel like that too when I am low or just really run down and she's not there for me in the way I would try to be for my kids . My mum moved abroad 5 days after my first child was born and tried to get me to be induced so she could see more of the baby before she moved, I just can't forgive her for it deep down. But at the same time I need to have a working relationship with her. I still need to keep her close to me, even though she hurts me. Mad isn't it?

My mum grew up during the war and I always thought this was why she had this gung ho approach. But there's more to it than that I think..

She goes to enormous lengths to avoid any not-so-positive topics. Quite extraordinary - from coughing uncontrollably to bustling about at the kitchen sink, clattering the dishes, or plain just getting up and walking away.

the other thing she did when we were young was to always take the other person's side if there had been a falling out. I even remember her saying, when my netball teacher chucked me off the team in a really spiteful way in the headmaster's car on the way back from a match, that she (the teacher) had probably had a row with her husband which was why she was so off. We always had to feel sorry for the other person, they was never any justice or support. It has turned me into a bit of a moaner tbh (definitely my sister, who moans incessantly) as if I'm still looking for that support.

The extraordinary thing is that a huge issue has blown up in the family that has split the family apart, and my mum really does have to face this one. Though after the initial shock she tried to go back to acting as if nothing had happened - I'm afraid I wouldn't let her and for now we aren't in contact.