Wanting ex to disappear may have been a bad joke but I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks life would be easier without an ex.
Boney, when ex moved in with dd we had extensive alterations done to the house so that they had their own lounge, bedrooms were in a different part of the house to mine so that they had independence/privacy. I had no idea how bad things were between them for a long time,dd kept it from us because she was embarrassed. DD began spending every evening in our lounge with dgs, I repeatedly told her to go and sit with ex, eventually she told us he had said he didn't want her or dgs in the room as he needed his space. I was shocked, sometime later my dh heard ex say this to my dd. He refused to sleep upstairs had an air bed in lounge. Dd slept above this room and could hear him talking to OW allthough he denied it, he eventually moved in with her. At the time dd had pnd he offered no support.
Ex began to come home from work later and later, we usually ate dinner together (the only time we were all together) and he would arrive home after we had eaten, many, many times dgs would be in high chair ex would sit next to him and completely ignore him, not even hello when he arrived home.
Dd also kept from us how mean he was refusing to buy things for son, she recently told me that she would invite me to go shopping in the hope I would offer to buy things for dgs.
Hairy, ex does have a regular day when he sees dgs - Saturday. After Christmas ex told dd that he may have to work some Sat. could he change to Sundays when that happened, dd agreed. However 2/3 times he has not told her he has to work until Friday night and by then she had plans for Sunday so said could not change day, Twice dgs was going to birthday parties and once dd had arranged to take her elderly/poorly Grandma to see her sister and Grandma had especially asked to take dgs so she could show off her great grandson. I don't think this was unreasonable when given such short notice.
Hairy, just because he sees son doesn't mean he wants to, we have always felt he sees him because he would look bad to family/friends if he didn't. They all think the sun shines out of his backside and he wouldn't do anything to change that. He has often mentioned to dd he is having a family party or going to some family event he never suggests taking son with him. His sister recently got married he asked dd to take son to the reception at 5, from 4.30 he repeatedly text with excuses to delay the time until it was to late to take him.
I loved my dd ex, I was delighted when they got engaged and he moved in. He changed totally after dgs was born, I personally think he couldn't stand not being no.1 in her life anymore, he has always been egocentric. He became so nasty and still is that I wonder if this is the real him and before was an act.
The posters who say it's none of my business and should leave it to dd and ex, it's not that easy when you live together to ignore someone who is upset. We are supporting dd in her battle against depression, she needs someone to talk to and I am pleased that she can talk to me.
The posters who say dgs is picking up on our feelings, I can honestly say, hand on heart that we have never said anything and would never say anything bad about ex in dgs hearing. We are well aware that dispite everything he is his dad. When he is older dgs will make his own judgement and decision about seeing his dad and we will support what ever he decides.
Sorry long but wanted to answer posts.