Vent about a friend

[ginnyjeans]

Really need to vent! You might think its me, but, back story is my friend and I are in same situation, both divorced, have kids in same class at school and have helped each other a lot with childcare, me more than her as I've had her child so much. Anyway, was getting a bit fed up of being taken for granted and we had a few words before christmas as she was seeing a new guy and just expected I could pick her child from school without making proper arrangements as she was seeing him and my child was not even at school and I had to go get hers. She said she would be back as soon as possible and then it was a few hours. Well, things been a bit awkward but her ex husband is a total prick and so I said I'd have her child last week through the day while she worked, on the night when she went on a date and the next day. Her child was up at five in the am (my child has to be woken) and I dealt with it etc. anyway, tonight my friend had sometime to celebrate and so she agreed to have my child for a few hours. Had a good night, a few cocktails. Felt merry, came home and she dropped my child off. Well, another of my friends has won a prestigious competition today and phoned to say she was in town could I meet them for drinks. So I phoned my friend and said know its a big ask but could she have my child overnight. I've never phoned last minute before ever. Anyway, friend turned me down. Said school night, didn't want kids awake etc. etc. Ok, know last minute and she had already had my child for a few hours but not every day your friend wins a prestigious comp. Have never asked this of her before. I have helped out beyond the call of duty and even let her have a night out with mutual friends while I babysat to save money. When the friends got together again a few weeks later, she told them she couldn't go as couldn't get a babysitter and went out with her man friend instead not even thinking to do me the same favour and let me have a night out. I feel like never looking after her child again. Seriously, I would have said yes, it's a one off, it's a school night - yes - but I've had her child loads on school nights. Maybe its me but I'm so fed up of doing people favours, especially this friend and then to have her say no. I need to do that!! But does that make me look petty??

Some people are very one sided when it comes to 'sharing' - the thing is to remember that you too can , and should say no- and stick to your guns if she begs - it might affect your friendship but if it does then she is only a friend for what she can get out of being friends with you - if she's a real friend, she'll pick up on you're not being a doormat and ask if she's upset you or better still figured out what she's done - I've attraced a few friendslike this in the past and have been unceremoniously 'dumped' by them when I have stopped doing stuff for them with nothing in return - my best one is a 'friend' who dropped me after i wasn't prepared to lose a precious Saturday driving half an hour to hers and helping her clear out her understairs cupboard before the estate agents came 3 weeks later - that is absolutely true!!!!

Oh heck! yea, sometimes friends suck big time hey. I feel like we've been friends for so long but that we might not be for much longer. There's a million and one reasons why not just this. She has no problem having a go at me, but if I talk to her about something that offends me, she puts it all back onto me, which really annoys me. I just felt really off about this as I never ask her impromptu and she has asked me loads and I have always done her the favour. I think I just need to think right. No more. I won't ask her again and if she asks me I will have to say no because it's not on really and I'm not feeling great about it. It's not that I do things to get a favour in return, I have been happy to help her out before. But when I go above and beyond and she can't do the same for me. Anyway... just sounding off. Thanks for responding. xx

No problem ginny it sounds like you're ready to end this friendship anyway - if you're getting nothing from it it isn't a friendship - it only works if it's working both ways - you are clearly a friend to her but it's clear she's not one toyou.

What you do for others doesn't always come back to you. I know you are feeling used but you let this happen as you are over genorous. If you ever decide to share childminding duties again,make sure it is a regular organised date with cover for emergencies only. There are other people out there as lovely and genorous as you are. Do not let this selfish, unkind bitch jade your view of other Mother's who may need your help and vice versa. Good luck lovely x

I've got a bit lost with your post but if her reason for saying no was because its a school night, why didn't you say "but I've had your child lots of times on school nights!"

Just say no if she asks you again.