Come and be a teenager with me!

[springsun]

My marriage broke up a few months ago due to H's affair and although there are still moments of anger/sadness I am surprised by how much of my time I spend thinking about men. I have reverted to my teenage self when I couldn't concentrate on much other than which boy(s) I fancied, whether they fancied me, how I was going to arrange to bump into them, etc.

There is one man in particular I am drawn to who I know because one of the companies I work with is a family business and he is one of the two sons involved in the business. I actually used to fantasise about sex with him whilst I was still married although at the time I would have said that it was a fantasy I had no intention of acting on (I was happy in my marriage and would not have been unfaithful to H). So I spent all of last weekend fantasising about this man. I had already told his Dad (who is a good friend as well as someone I work with) about my marriage breaking up and when I saw him on Monday he told me that he had told his son and that his son had said he was glad that I would be staying here (we only moved here for H's work). Yesterday I decided to go and see the son to see if the fantasy image matched the reality (I hadn't seen him for quite a while) and although he mentioned the fact that I'm divorcing and although I did things like quite blatantly touching his arm when making a point and touching his hand to remove it from his computer mouse so that I could use it he didn't seem particularly interested in anything other than work and he had to head off for a meeting. Today I saw his brother and it turned out that he didn't know about my marriage breakup but pretty much the first thing he said when I told him was 'oo, xxx (his brother) is single' and when I joked would he wish his brother on me he told me that he's really sweet.

So:

1. Why did the father only tell one son when they all work closely together in one office and I work with all of them?
2. Why did his brother instantly think to tell me that he is single?
3. Could the father/brother have got an inkling in the past that he likes me?
4. Please can you tell me to grow up and get on with my work rather than spending every waking moment thinking about this man and how I'm going to get to see him.

I have a cunning plan to see him tomorrow as I have some work to do in the small town where their office is and I will be finished at the end of the working day so when I saw his brother today I told him I would be in town and that we should all go out for a drink after work which he was up for. I will go in earlier in the day too to drop off some other work in the hope of seeing the father or son to tell them about the after work drinks too. I will be gutted if he can't come but I don't feel I can be too blatant in arranging to see him socially because if he isn't interested I still have to work with them all.

Oh what fun it is to be 15 again with nothing to worry about other than boys (oh wait, whats this work that I really ought to be doing?!)

Hmmmmmm.

Can't really answer any of your questions, because I'd only be speculating. I mean, there could have been some discussion between them all in the past about SexyBrother fancying you - or maybe not.

The thing is, I maintain that we all, deep down, kinda know when someone is attracted to us...even when we over think the situation, and torture ourselves looking for signs. It's possible to get things wrong, of course, but a general rule of thumb is that usually we're right. It's the same sort of instinct that allows women to just "know" that they're being cheated on.

This is because communication is 80% non-verbal - we give out clues with our body language continually even in circumstances when we're trying to hide our feelings. We just can't help it.

So...what is your gut telling you? Is there a bit of an "atmosphere" between you - a bit of tension, awkward silences?

Also - some very clear signals that men give off when they are attracted.

1. The eyebrow lift when they first see you. It's all to do with widening their eyes to see more - and it's so fleeting, but hard to miss when you're looking for it.

2. After you've finished speaking, they carry on looking at you for a few seconds longer than is normal.

3. They'll stand in a sort of "he-man" position facing you - legs apart, fingers hooked into belt straps or in pockets (kind of framing their you know what bits for your delectation!)

Should stress, that this is a general rule of thumb. If he doesn't do any of this, it doesn't necessarily mean anything - he could be mega shy and have developed closed-up body language as a way of coping.

But the clues are there, so keep looking (without making it look obvious, of course - don't want him to think you're completely barking).

And, pfff....who cares if you're behaving like a teenager? Who says 15 year olds have to get all the fun? Enjoy!

Thanks CrockoDuck, I shall definitely be studying him closely next time I see him! I do think there is something there and know that he is quite shy although he covers this with a joky attitude. I'm just wary of making a move if I have misread the situation ... could be awkward in the future!

Anyway, I'm having fun and its making me feel young and confident which I haven't for a while - I love the thrill of the chase!

The thrill is in the art of making it appear that they are chasing you, honey.

Tempted as I am to say 'go for it', on this occasion I would suggest you rein yourself in a tad as some men may run for the hills be wary of a woman who has recently broken up with her h and hasn't yet got the ink on a nisi.

Of course, if it's just a shag you're after, feel free to go full steam ahead... but if you'll be continuing to see this guy, his brother, and his dad, on work related matters, you're best advised to look elsewhere for a one night stand.

Oh no, SS - not suggesting you make a move at all! I think once you've kinda satisfied yourself that he's looking at you in the way you want him to be then you can relax and let him proceed at his own pace. Which he will if that's where his mind is at, promise.