Ive just joined here, I just need to get this all out as Im going crazy as every little thing eats away at me, I need some opinions of others.
I`m 42 and my husband is 47, we have been married for 19 years and have 4 children between the ages of 7-15.
Always thought we had a good relationship, until he got into playing online multiplayer games and talking to other gamers... Call of Duty 4 mainly.
He joined a clan and was talking on teamspeak etc.
He would stay up until early hours of the morning when he had work, weekends he would stay in bed until 1pm.
He has never really done much with the kids and even less while playing this game.
Last year I found some facebook messages between him and a 20 year old girl in Canada another Call of Duty 4 player...things like "missed you on the game, its not the same without you" "message me when you get home from work". Lots of hearts and kisses. I confronted him and he said it was just having a laugh and meant nothing. He did contradict himself as he started by saying they went onto facebook to talk about the idiot playes in the game...then he said another guyhad added her it was just a laugh and swor to me they never used the chat window for live chat...lie I think. Then he said he was just flirting...Well using Gametracker I found the other guy he mentioned wasnt actually not using the same server around the time it all was going on.
I even sent her a facebook message I didnt approach it like an annoyed wife but as a friend just asking how she knew him etc. Then told her he was married and how old he really was as his facebook picture was taken 15 years ago. She never replied, until Christmas which was about 3 months then said that she didnt know him or never knew anyone by that name...so she lied as I had a screen shot of the messages that I confronted him woth so it was her.
I decided we could work through it as I didnt and still dont have alot of options, no family to run to, no money, low confidence and self esteem.
So things seem to be going ok getting back on track, he doesnt stay up all night now. Yet he refuses to stop playing the game but did eventually stop using the same server she uses so now he plays on a different server and has joined a new clan. A couple of weeks ago I caught him looking at photos on the clan forum of some girl I caught a glimpes as I walked in the room and he quickly clicked and was looking at some guys photo, why would he do that if he wasnt hiding something? If he had been open and just said he was looking at clan photos I would have got suspisious. Anyway I am now paranoid he is flirting again with some other girl again in her 20s and in canada ( perhaps he wants to move their)..
I found her info in the clan forum ( he leaves his name and password filled in on his computer).
She has facebook, but as far as I know he deleted his and it is no longer there unless he has a false account.
I didnt think he would do this again, I know he hasnt physically done anything but him telling some young girl his missing them and kisses makes me very upset and I feel worthless and when he gives me any attention I feel like his using me and it means nothing after sex I actually feel like a prostitude.
Night before last I went to bed before him ( we have seperate rooms due to his snoring) then he went to bed and he often reads before going to sleep.
I could here someone talking I thought it was coming from outside so looked out of the window (rural village not really the place for people walking by), no one out there then I realised it was him talking, I couldnt hear what he was saying but it was like he was talking on a phone. I didnt want to confront him there and then but Im worried now. He has a work mobile which stays in his van it was there in the morning as I checked and the home phone was in its place.
I am sure he had a phone in his pocket when he came downstairs in the morning so must be a secret mobile why else would someone be talking and laughing when they have gone to bed?
I have searched but cant find anything, I listened last night for an hour until he switched his light off and started snoring so no talking. Going to put my daughters ipod in his room on voice memo and see if he talks again at least next time I will hear what his saying, thats if it happens again.
Sorry this post is so long there is so much more I could bring up form the past but I dont want to bore anyone. Its eating away at me and I feel I can`t talk to him I know if I ask him he will get annoyed and not talk about things calmly.
His made me this way paranoid mess, sometime I just want to die but only carry on for my children.
Thanks!