How do I just stop feeling so angry something? I want a trick or a method to let it all go.

[SilentBoob]

I am angry / hurt / irritated once again by my fuckwit selfish parents and their insane ideas about what is normal behaviour.

They have no idea that I am angry.

I don't want to have it out with them.

I just want to stop dwelling on it. I am in a cycle of feeling angry with them and then feeling angry that I am letting them spoil my day by wasting it feeling pointlessly angry.

I want to blow it all into a bubble and let it float away.

I want to switch off from caring about what they do and how they treat me.

I don't want to waste any more headspace on them. I have other, much nicer things to think about.

How do I do this?

The anger needs to come out somehow.

If you don't want a confrontation, then other options are:

• write a letter you don't send, detailing what you are angry about and how it makes you feel
• scream, smash things, shout what you would like to tell them, somewhere where you won't be disturbing anyone
• tell it all to a therapist

There are also excellent reading recommendations at the start of the Stately HOmes thread that can help you with the emotional detachment you seek.

But the anger needs to be expressed somehow before you can reach the serene detachment stage.

Once in a while I name-change and spew it all out on Mumsnet. It is comforting to be reassured by various Mumsnetters that they are MAD AND WRONG and I am not insane. And then I'm fine until the next time they make contact with me.

I have recently been considering seeing a therapist about it all. I feel like I want to bang on and on and let it ALL out and... I guess I want to give it all to someone else and walk away without it. I don't know if that's how it works. It would feel good to be listened to about it all I think. I mean my husband and a couple of good friends are very sympathetic and always happy to lend an ear but I don't want to bore on and on about it, y'know?

That is pretty much how therapy works. With the added value that the therapist asks incisive questions that really help you get to the core of it. And, as you sense, the fact that they are an impartial observer means you can do a lot more with them, with greater freedom, than you can with friends and family.

If you're at all tempted, I say go for it.

By the way, I want to thank you: I don't know why, since I've been on threads like these for a year now, but your thread, today, finally pushed me to write that letter to my parents and send it. I just have, and I'm glad I did.

So:

Oh well done. I hope it achieves what you want it to. Good luck.

But bear in mind that it's common to get angry at the therapist at some point, sometimes they would provoke it with the awkward questions, or turning it around at you! It's important to choose the right one, whom you like.

Hello, SilentBoob.

I would definitely give therapy a try. Venting can be great, but therapy can deal with the underlying problem so that, in time, you won't need to vent a huge build-up of emotion.

If you want help with finding a therapy mode/therapist, feel free to pm me. I'm a therapist.

Good luck!

Therapy for a start.

Screaming everything you want to say in the car when alone with added points for extensive swearing.

Punching pillows or better still a punchbag (mine is in the garage)

Talk, talk, talk and talk some more.

Hi - I started by reading this book

www.amazon.co.uk/If-You-Had-Controlling-Parents/dp/0060929324

It took me most of the way but then I went to a counsellor who helped me get to the end of my "journey"

I wrote the letter but I didn't have any intention of sending it - it didn't matter

I didn't confront them either - also didn't matter

the important thing was that I was able to move on and stop feeling so angry