Meeting the OW...advice please

[SeizingLife]

I've been separated 12 months, exDH has been with his girlfriend for most of that time but insists that they were 'just friends' until after we split.
She met our kids v early on, against my wishes. He now wants me to meet her, for selfish reasons only- not for the kids, but to stop him & her feeling like they are hiding from me.
I don't want to, I still feel angry & hurt, but if I do, what on earth do I say, how do I deal with it?
I'm not with a new man, so have no support on that front.
Any advice gratefully received.

you do not have to meet her. No, I dont want to, simple.

Well said Outlaw :)

Although I instigated the split in my marriage (domestic abuse) I only met his new wife once. I didn't see the need. You don't have to have a relationship with her or even meet her if you don't want to, particularly not in the circs.

You don't have to agree to an arranged meeting if you don't want to. It may be in three or four years' time that you all feel, this is daft, let's take all the kids to the park together one afternoon. Or you may not.

However, I would advise having a plan in the back of your mind for an unexpected meeting with her, which is that you will be calm and polite. Because an unexpected meeting may happen with no malice or agenda on anyone's side - eg your XP breaks his leg and can't drive so she has to return DC to you after a contact weekend.

The best-case outcome, some time down the line, is that you all get on comfortably enough and the DC have several adults in their lives who love them and rub along well enough with each other.

I'm just wondering why the XH and GF feel as if they're hiding from the OP. It's not as if they have any reason to hide if it's all as innocent as claimed. And how/why they'd be hiding from someone who doesn't even want to see them... I dunno, it's past my bedtime, you work it out.

Annie, she currently gets out of the car before he picks them up or drops them off and leaves the house if I go to his place. There are no dark reasons. I get that it is a pain for them to do this, but I feel she does not have to come to pick ups & drop offs, can they not be alone for an hour?
I firmly believe their desire for me to meet her is purely selfish so they can lead a 'normal' life together whilst I am still trying to piece my life together after he left & quickly took up a full time relationship with her.
I have no axe to grind with her, I just feel no need to affirm their relationship & make them feel better.

I met the OW before I knew she was the OW. There is no way I will ever meet her again until I am over all the hurt and betrayal and lies. Might take a good few years but I will only meet her when I feel good and ready and I certainly would not do it if twatty Ex asked me to. I have no responsibilities to either of their feelings you shouldn't either and in fact I would enjoy knowing it makes them squirm but I am only 4 months into him walking out on me and DS so I am still bitter. Say no as meeting her is not going to enhance your life in anyway, shape or form right now but will make them feel better.

No. This is all about THEM.

Why should you meet someone who has helped betray you, and caused you pain?

Oh I see, they're just not pushing her in your face. Sounds fair enough to me. Why would you want her in your face?