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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tales from the twilight zone? anyone?

8 replies

Chandra · 29/01/2006 02:02

What do you think of the following? I'm annoyed but would you?
DH has a colleague with quite a strange wife. When I met her, her DH had invited his colleagues from the office (and wives) to dinner but as they were running late with something else, I arrived at their home on time, but before any of our DHs had arrived.
I knocked at the door, she opened it and after I explained who I was, she didn't say hi, only asked me to remove my shoes in a sort of annoyed way, even when I had not even crossed the threshold.
Once in, she excused herself for she allowed her children to see TV for an hour every evening (who am I to judge anyway?). But the strangest thing happened afterwards, she went to see the cartoons with her children and totally ignored me for 15-20 min, I tryied to make some small talk but she said she was interested in watching the cartoons, please, if I don't mind. (though she seemed to be enjoying them deeply -maybe far too much for her age- )

As there was no evidence of a dinner party on view, other than the food I had brought in and that continued to be laying at the hall, I asked if had got the date/time wrong and she said I didn't, but they had the rule at home that each attended to their own invitees, so she stressed her husband would come in due time to sort things out. At the end the rest of the people arrived and things seemed normal other than the fact that she didn't interact with anybody else but their own children and I'm not saying she was taking care of them, she was plainly playing with Barbie with them while we all were there, althouh she joined us for dinner, she didn't chat to any of us.

I saw her again recently and she ignored me when I said hello and went on drawing with her child. At dinner time she sat at the table, but rather than waiting for everyone to sit, she served food to herself (and kids) and forgot there were other six persons now sitting around her. She only openned his mouth to eat and to ask if the owners of the house would have some fruit for her kids. She didn't speak again, and when she finished she just stood up and went to the living room to play with her children again.

DS was also playing at the same room and suddenly I heard him crying his head off. I found him hanging upside down from the sofa and although she was less than a feet from him she had not even bothered to ask what was wrong, forget about helping my son to get into a better position. I took DS on my arms and asked what had happened and she just said "I don't know, I wasn't looking!" and was back to her drawing, which I think it is perfectly OK but could she at least asked him what was wrong rather than just ignore him and continue to play with her kids?

I don't know, but if a kid is crying by my side I don't have the heart to completely ignore him even knowing that his mother is seconds away. And it just makes me wonder why on Earth does she attends get togethers for? it's not as she had been forced to, as she had already excused herself saying that she was very ill (that was the reason the dinner was in other house) but she still showed up to it.

HAs she escaped from the twilight zone or do they release the zombies on Saturday's nights?

Question is that the next party is on our house and although we all find her DH a very pleasant person, I don't relish the idea of having her around, although I find it also rude to exclude the full family because it's a very small company and her DH would, of course, notice that they had not been invited...

OP posts:
Chandra · 29/01/2006 02:03

oops! that's a long tale!

OP posts:
Mytwopenceworth · 29/01/2006 02:09

i read that and my first thought was mental health problem. the behaviour you describe is not normal. did you pick up any vibes from her husband?

of course, could be marriage is in tatters and she wants nothng to do with him or anyone connected with him but he 'makes' her attend such things?

Or maybe she has form of asd - commonly undiagnosed in adults.

Or severe social anxiety?

you could always have a word with the husband - say something like, ive noticed your wife is very shy, is there anything i can do to help her feel more a part of the group, i feel quite bad seeing her not enjoying herself.

Mytwopenceworth · 29/01/2006 02:12

cut myself off there! meant to add that gives him the chance to tell you if there is a problem! and lets him know youve noticed something isnt right!

i would invite them and silently pass her a box of pens and a colouring book when they arrived.

Chandra · 29/01/2006 02:15

Mmmh, I haven't thought of it from that perspective but you may have a good point there...

I would normally feel bad for shy people having a bad time because I'm shy as well, under certain circumstances but, in what she differs from other shy people is in that she is considerably rude.

But you may be right, it may be a mental problem, thanks.

OP posts:
Chandra · 29/01/2006 02:19

...probably I would only leave the paper and colouring pens out in case that she feels like using them, don't want to make her feel ackward for preparing toys for her.

OP posts:
Mytwopenceworth · 29/01/2006 02:24

was actually kidding about the pens! sorry. but you so nice for taking it as way to help her, when i was taking the mick!

mick taking just that sentence btw, not the rest of my post!

Chandra · 29/01/2006 02:32

Good you said that MTPOW! I was already worried I might have touched on certain sensitivities of yours .

But agree with the possibility of a mental problem. I better thread carefully on this!

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 29/01/2006 07:38

I'd agree that she sounds like there may be some issues. I can't imagine someone "normal" doing this out of ... pique? She may have some sort of social phobia or something?

Best to see it as a symptom of something, rather than letting yourself get annoyed about it. Even though it clearly is annoying.

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