divorce proceedings

[pinkkoala]

i have been in an abusive marriage for some while, unhappy and providing everything while dh sits on his backside after losing his job last april.
i work part time, pay bills, provide food and do all the housework and am main carer for dd.

it has got to a point where i want out, he has had one ltr from the solicitor about hie behaviour towards me, i have asked her today to get things in motion for a divorce.

what happens from here, as scared his family my try and get nasty as well.

also what happens once he receives the letter from my solicitor regarding divorce, he reckons he will ignore it, then wht do i do.

also he threatens to fight me for custody of dd, 7 yrs old, i have already told solicitor i am prepared to let him see her weekends and in the week but she doesnt stay overnight with him, he always screams and shouts at heras well.

what happens to the house, jointly owned.

so many questions, it would be nice to hear from other people in a similar situation or have been there already.

tell me it gets better as surey it can't get any worse.

If you're worried that he will 'get nasty', talk to your solicitor about obtaining an occupation order that will require him to leave the marital home.

If he or his family actually get nasty, call the police.

For local rl support visit www.womensaid.org to find your nearest office and give them a call.

As for him ignoring solicitors' letters, fighting for custody (fat chance he'll have of winning), etc, all you can do is wait to see what he does or doesn't do.

Unfortunately things can get worse before they get better, but such is life. The important thing is to cling on to the knowledge that your freedom is worth fighting for and that, no matter how bad it gets, it will get better.

how nasty can things get, prepare me.
do u have to go to court.
do u have to pay legal aid back.
i have emergency bag packed ready to run to womans aid.
how long does it normally take to finalise.
thanks.

should also mention he has had one ltr from sols regarding his behaviour towards me and in front of dd.
would they ask her who she wants to live with.

Based on your sworn Affidavit in support, your solicitor will file your petition and you will not be required to attend the divorce court on the date your decree nisi is pronounced.

Although the grounds for divorce are common - adultery, unreasonable behaviour, 2 or 5 years separation etc - every case is different and it would be inappropriate, and extremely time-consuming, to go into all of the variables here.

Your solicitor will file your petition and Affidavit in support; you will not be required to attend the divorce court and after your decree nisi has been pronounced it will be sent to you by snail mail.

Depending on the Court's workload, an undefended divorce can take as little as 3 months from the date the petition is filed until a decree nisi is pronounced. The decree absolute, which is needed before remarriage can occur, can been applied for c6 weeks after the nisi has been granted.

Unless a legal aid certificate states anything to the contrary, no repayment is required.

Bullying and abusive men frequently threaten to cause all sorts of mayhem, but they're usually cowards at heart and their threats often turn out to be little more than bluff and bluster.

You are best advised to wait and see how he reacts to the next communication he receives from your solicitor, but it could be that you should give consideration to leaving the marital home beforehand.

Is your h violent, or likely to be violent, when he receives notice of your intention to divorce? Do you have any friends/relatives that you and dd can stay with?

If you need to access Women's Aid quickly, simply call the police on the non-emergency number or go into the near police station and ask to be put in contact with 'the domestic violence unit'.

Does your h have any record of violence or intimidation against you?

Have there been any incidents that have been logged by the police or any independent record - such as emails, texts, recorded phone calls,etc - of him making threats against you?

Has he done anything that makes you feel at risk of harm when you are in the martial home with him?

Do you have friends/family living locally or any other real life support that you can turn to in an emergency?

thanks izzy, my family all live 60 mile away, and that wud mean i would have to leave my job and dds school and go with no money.
i have got some recordings on my mobile which i have kept, he reckons he is going to police to have me done for data protection. can he.
my sols knows about the threats he and his sis has made, hence the prev letter he had, also about the threats to take dd. her passport and birth cert have already been sent to my mums.
he also is refusing to move out, but then why should he, i pay all utilities, food etc, all he has to do is pay mortage which he isnt and hasnt for last two months.
just feel like i am stuck.

He reckons he going to have you done for data protection because you've kept some recordings of him ranting?

If that's the sum of it - in his fucking dreams

Honey, I'm getting the distinct feeling that you would feel safer and be a lot better off in a women's refuge where you'll get all the support and help you need to get this abusive twunt out of your life once and for all.

If you've been threatened by his dsis and his family are living in the locality of your marital home, you may be best advised to give some consideration to moving nearer your family.

Although you will need to find another job and dd will have to change schools, this could be a relatively small to price to pay if it means that you'll be able to live your divorced and free life without fear of reprisal.