Feeling quite alone and not supported by my OH

[mumof3littlemonkeys]

Hi

1st post on Mumsnet.

Just want a little rant really. I have a 4 yr old, a nearly 15 month year old and I'm 20 weeks pregnant. I work part time but I'm currently signed off work due to SPD and stress around my pregnancy.

My OH and I have been together for nearly 10 years. We have a mostly close relationship but I feel that he doesn't help with the children or housework much. He does work full time. I do the school run; housework and 99% of childcare. I feel like with the problems with SPD and trouble sleeping I could just do with a bit more support from him really.

I have tried talking to him about this but don't get much of a reply. he is constantly going on about his blood pressure and the stress in his life but I feel like I am very much tackling day to day stresses alone. Last night he said that he "only thinks about himself and worries about himself now as no-one else does". I was hurt by this comment as I look after him and the kids and always put myself last.

I just feel like things are unbalanced at the moment. I would just like him to bath the kids every once in a while or put the children to bed so i could have a sit down. I know that he is working full time but he has most of the weekend to chill out and has a lie in on the weekends ( we don't take turns for lie ins anymore; he gets them and I don't). He won't even take both kids out over the weekend for a few hours so that I could get some housework done child-free. And another thing which bugs me is that at the weekend he will be glued to the telly and won't look after the kids while I get stuff done around the house. Instead I have a time limit where I rush round trying to do things while looking after the kids. I feel like our communication is pathetic at the moment and I just feel angry at him (part of that is cos Im in pain, pregnancy hormones and exhaustion).

He is not a bad man. He works hard out of the house but I feel like he does not appreciate anything which I do and more importantly he is missing out on time with the kids.

Sorry for long post. Didnt realise how het up I am

You also want to gather up details of his bank accounts, any savings, insurance, and his employer. Is there someone you can leave all these documents with? Because they would be safest in a sealed envelope outside the home.
I would never put up with anyo e calling me those kinds of names.

The moment a partner called me a slag or a fucking bitch would be the moment it would all be over for me.

Yes, it makes sense. You have a skewed perspective because of your past.

I hope it all works out for you. It seems you'll get some good support via this thread.

MOTLM: Your relationship seems to operate on his terms only. That can't be healthy. You're being put down for failing to meet his expectations (whatever they may be) while he considers himself free to behave in whatever way he chooses, with complete self-justification.
It's going to damage you if it continues.

In whose name is the tenancy? If you're not married, and don't own your house, you will at least find it easier to get rid of him.

What an utter cock. Now is the time when you should be getting excited together about the imminent birth, and being looked after by him to ease your pregnancy illness and tiredness, what a shame he can't step up.

Think of yourself and your children, put them and you first, and make him last on the list for a change.

Thanks for all of your replies. Things have been ok for the past few days... although I know that this does not mean that things are sorted. Sunday morning I had a chat with him about his behaviour. I told him that his behaviour was unacceptable and spoke about the changes which had to make if I was going to stay with him. He accepted what I said to him and we actually had a decent talk about what was going wrong.

Sunday he looked after the kids while I went back to bed and rested. He made an effort with the children and cooked a nice dinner. He also helped with the bath time. He did call me a slag in the evening and I said ring up your mum and say that to her. See what she thinks about being called a slag because I'm not accepting it. He did apologise although that doesnt mean much as he apologises when he knows Im fuming at him for behaving like this.

Monday he also spent the day looking after the children as I had 2 hospital appointments and a doctors appointment. He looked after them well and they were pleased to spend time with him. No problems in the evening. Although I did say I needed more help with the housework esp as the physiotherapist had told me to rest more and get more help with stuff from family etc. He wasnt pleased as he works fulltime but I am determined that he will start looking after me and supporting me.

I have decided that I am going to give him a chance to turn things around but he is on his last chance and he will be gone if he carries on being abusive to me. I will not continue to be his doormat and I will not allow him to carry on treating me like this. Maybe my reasons will make others feel that I am making a wrong decision but I feel like this relationship needs one last chance to get back to the way things once were.