that sinking feeling!

[muppetlover]

I am a single parent and met a guy online before christmas. We have emailed and talked on the phone for six weeks and have been on four dates with another planned for this weekend. We celebrated valentines and both our birthdays. He emphasised he just wants to take things slowly as he has gone into new relationships too quickly. Anyway some pictures emerged on facebook of him snogging a woman on a night out after our last date ....he will know I have seen them. Since his night out there has been a real shift....he has developed manflu and is unable to talk on the phone as he needs early nights. My gut feeling is that he has met someone else and doesn't want the complication of a single mum with a young baby? What do you think...am I right to have that sinking feeling?

I think you are right

he has met someone else and is trying to ease you out gently

Shug your shoulders, and move on

Oh dear.... it does seem as though he's trying to let you down gently.

Do it before he does, end the relationship and walk away.

You don't need a guy like this taking your time away from you baby.

You need someone who likes you FOR YOU!

I was a single mum for 6 years. I've been happily (most of the time for six years, together for 7.

You will meet Mr Right, and he is going to be so much better than Mr Right Now.

You are probably right that he's found someone else, but is too cowardly to level with you about that.

You are wrong that it is because of the "complication of a single mum with a young baby." That part, you don't know and will probably never find out. It doesn't really matter because you are what you are, your situation is what it is, and the right person will want to be with you for the WHOLE that you are.

At least you won't be wasting any more time with this cowardly git.

It's still sad because even in the early weeks of a relationship, you kind of hope it's going to develop into something more if things are going well. If it doesn't, the sadness comes not from what you've lost (as it's not been there anyhow,) but the loss of what might have been. Take good care.

If your gut feeling turns out to be correct, and it probably will, consider you have had a lucky escape from Mr Spineless. At least you know your radar is tuned in and in working order. Another valueable lesson learnt no doubt.

Don't let it get you down. What you see is not always what you get.

thankyou for the advice. I got a duty text from him just now asking me how my day was. My gut feeling again is that if you really like someone after four dates you phone them no matter how sick you are as the sound of their voice would make you feel better. I am not sure how to end it...would never do it by text. Should I just let things fizzle out or should I call him tomorrow ignoring the man flu and discuss the sudden cold front from his direction ?

If what you sense is correct, and it probably is I would definately not give him the chance to 'dump you'. I would not give him wriggle room either. I would think..... have a nice life - bye.

Come on - eyes wide open this time. He is not worth it. Unless he made you promises, he is simply using his freedom to play the field - he is obviously very skilled at moving on when it suits him. Let him go, he is not a keeper!!!

Six weeks/four dates?

I'd would have thought that at this very early stage, unless you have discussed "feelings, where is this going and exclusivity", you would both be dating other people anyway?

If you like his company then I see no reason not to carry on dating and simply enjoy it for what it is.

Being me (and I don't advise it)

I would text back something along the lines that 'it was a shame he had manflu he must have caught it from the girls tongue he had stuffed down his throat XXX night. Let's hope he didn't catch anything else from her...'

I would then delete his number and forget him as he clearly wasn't that into me.

I don't think I'd get into a big chat about it, seems like he's trying to keep his options open and if that's not what you want a simple call to say you've had a nice time but you're looking for different things. He hasn't thought you'd be upset by the picture or cared if you are so I think any chat about a 'cold front' would result in you being fobbed off.
There will be someone better out there.

lol xales! I love your take on how he got his manflu....his tongue was right down her throat in the photo! You have seriously cheered me up!!

I suppose its a red flag...'he's just not that into me' and I have enough going on with my baby and getting back to work. I am going to get on and arrange something else for saturday...He was talking about introducing me and the baby to his friends and their kids on saturday. I would feel very embarrassed around them now as they will all have seen the photo too....and anyway I think the manflu is an attempt to wriggle out of saturday.

At this sort of early stage, it's not a terrible crime to decide that you are not that into someone. It's a bit wet not to actually contact the person and say 'Bye and best wishes', true, but some people are like that. If you want to have the last word, text or email something along the lines of 'Actually I don't really think we're suited, have a nice life.' But FFS don't start whining or ranting about Other Women, you will come across as a mad desperate bunny boiler.

Well done you. Don't take it too personally. There are thousands of guys out there and ladies too enjoying the new hunting ground that dating web sites offer. Many are having a field day, and no doubt enjoying their multiple dating opportunities. My advice to you is to enjoy your freedom but don't hand over your heart too easily.

Enjoying a few dates doesn't automatically translate to 'being in a relationship' it is what it is just a few dates. Don't take the going out together too seriously, we live in a whole new dating world now, there is no rule book sadly! Everyone needs to wise up to the way things are.

Its just how to end it isn't it, whether to jolly hockey sticks fake it or be honest about what you know and hope he will be honest in return. But I bet he'd just not get back to you if you said anything about the photo...

jolly hockey sticks every time. I wont bother with the usual good morning text ( I took this over when he stopped) and follow up with a bright and breezy call in the evening to check he got over his manflu and inform him of my plans for a busy weekend which won't include him. sinking feeling has gone x

Record time too. Well done - have fun. Enjoy your dc. job and freedom....

Good girl

Worra knob.

at Xales - that would be me too in my previous life.

muppet - that's the spirit. Let's not forget here, he's lucky to have had your company over the last few weeks. A smart, independent, self sufficient woman, with her own mind, money, home etc...... why should you settle for him?

Find someone who does want to be with you. For the right reasons.

I'd also say that if you have been recently separated from your baby's father, give yourself some time to let it just be the two of you. Surround yourself with good, close friends and family and let yourself be you.