I don't know where to start. I just looked for a talk page on here specifically for the discussion of LGBT issues but couldn't find one - come on Mumsnet, surely there's a need?
Anyway. In spite of the nickname, I'm a woman with a long-term (male) partner and a son. I've never had any sort of sexual or romantic involvement with another woman. However I think about women sexually all the time. Apologies as I need to get a bit graphic now; when I masturbate on my own, usually (though not always) fantasizing about women, I orgasm really easily. I can even sometimes orgasm spontaneously, i.e. without touching myself at all. But with my partner, though I can enjoy having sex with him, having an orgasm is really difficult; with other men it has been impossible. I just find it hard to tip over the edge and even if I do it is somehow not as satisfying as when I do it my own. I can?t bring myself to orgasm in his presence either, so I believe it?s a psychological rather than technical issue.
I sometimes meet women I think are attractive but I've never had a crush on a woman, not like the painful crushes I had on guys in my teens and early 20s, where I'd daydream about what it'd be like to kiss them, to do more with them. The women I fantasize about are unavailable and anonymous, women whose pictures I've seen in magazines or online etc. As a teenager I didn't have pictures of male pop stars, boy bands etc. on my bedroom walls - I had pictures of models I'd cut out of magazines, and Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Cher in bondage gear. Not surprisingly looking back, my mum asked me a few times if I was gay. I honestly couldn't understand why. At the time I thought I wanted to be like those women (a boyfriend once told me he thought Sarah Michelle Gellar was the perfect woman), now I wonder if there was an element of sexual attraction. I?ve never fantasized about celebrities, male or female.
I can see myself having sex with a woman in real life but I can?t imagine what it would be like to have a romantic/day-to-day relationship. Not that I?m in a position to be having relationships, as I have my partner.
Argh! Women in their 30s are not supposed to be confused about their sexuality. I just feel there is something missing from my sex life. Every time I masturbate afterwards I lie back and think ?I?m gay, I?m gay as the day is long? but in the cold, hard light of day I begin to doubt it. And by gay I suppose I mean bisexual, as I?ve had lots of enjoyable, albeit orgasm-less, sex with men over the years.
At university I even went as far as joining the LGBT Society and describing myself as bisexual to a few people, though not ?coming out? as such, but I don?t know if I just did that because my boyfriend at the time, who definitely was a bisexual, was a member and they had good socials (the gays know how to throw a party 
). My partner know about this, and knows I think about women, but hasn?t taken it very seriously. After all, you a bit of a rubbish female bisexual if you?ve never even kissed another woman, right?
Please help/advise. I?ve never discussed this in detail with anybody before.