Kind of a WWYD and a chance to get this off my chest. Its not just about the InLaws really, its about OH too.
Brief background - getting married in 6 weeks. OHs first, my second. I'm divorced. OH is youngest of 4. His siblings have all been married. 2 are now divorced/separated. His family is big and complicated Aunts/Uncles cousins all over the place - lots of so and so doesnt get on with so and so crap politics. I get on well with his immediate family.
My family is tiny. Just me, Mum an Aunt once removed and a widowed friend of mums who's known me since birth and is like an Aunt!
OH and i have lived together for 4 years. Love him to bits. Never expected a proposal as he's always been openly anti-mariage. Anti 'spending loads of money on a peice of paper'. It was ok by me, i dont need to be married. Proposal came without warning - i was thrilled, and said yes. In initial discusions about our wedding we were both adamant that we wanted a small do. Immediate family only. Something quirky perhaps, on a beach or in the woods maybe. Reasons for small do = cost, disproportion in family size, mutual dislike of the idea of large cliched white wedding.
Current situation - wedding has grown and, although still small by some standards, is bigger than i imagined. Its now a very formal affair - white dress, posh venue, expensive cake + flowers. We decided smallish but posh was a compromise as the quirky was hard to organise. I AM happy with it, but OH and i have bickered about numbers of guests. He admitted to feeling presure from his mum to invite 'everybody'. As it is we've got his mum and dad and all his siblings plus partners and kids. My people plus a sprinkle of our friends. Some mutual, some not. We're going for a morning ceremony, with lunch for all, drinks, then coffee + wedding cake and a 5pm finish. No big piss up. If we invited 'everybody' it would nearly double the numbers.
His family have lots of 'do's. We attend alot of them and they are all big noisy bashes. i pin on a smile, but rarely enjoy myself much. I feel swamped. I chat with his bro's wife who feels the same. His mum is lovely - she revels in her big family, which is fine, but always talks about how small mine is in sympathetic tones as if its something sad and awful.
Aaaaanyway - MIL is having to come to terms with the fact that our wedding isnt going to be another of these big family do's. She's dropping blunt hints about how 'gutted' the extended family are about not being invited and is now suggesting we organise a family party after the honeymoon, funded by us, for all those who are being 'left out'. I HATE the idea. OH is crumbling under the guilt trip and this is annoying me as he knows exactly how i feel - but his mums saying 'jump' and he's saying 'how high' basicly. Never ever seen this in him before. He's usually a very single minded bloke.
I feel there's an atmosphere between us about it all and its sad. I feel a row could errupt if i push. I dont want to be rowing about our wedding.
:(
WWYD? And thanks for reading.