Apologies as this is long, but feel it is best to explain everything in the initial post to get the best responses!
My partner and I have been together for 2.5 years, we met a couple of months after splitting from our respective husband and wife. He has two kids aged 4 and 5 and I have a 4 year old. My ex husband was abusive and when I met my partner, he offered that I rent his house as he was moving from the area to a different house and his wife had moved to a different house with a new partner. My daughter and I moved in and were very relieved to be away from my ex husband, but a few days later my partners wife began entering the house when we weren't there, leaving abusive notes, taking away the curtains, turning off the water/electric, rifling through our things etc. She gave him a lot of grief and we had to move back in with my ex husband/her father who then continued to be extremely abusive until we managed to get a place in a hostel a few months later.
In the meantime, my partners wife demanded the full amount of child maintenance each month and he paid it, despite having the kids for half the time. He also continued to pay the £800 mortgage on the house. She would be very abusive about me (despite being the one that cheated on him and left him!) and he would never defend me. My daughter and I eventually were able to get our own house and we moved to the area my partner was living in, around 30 miles away. My partners wife did several nasty things, like reporting me for benefit fraud when I first got out of the hostel and was getting back on my feet, she reported him to the police for paedophilia for taking a picture of the kids in the bath, she stopped him seeing them for 5 months for no apparent reason (he did nothing), then reduced contact to one night every six weeks, she moved house twice without telling him, she sent him a text listing the ten people she could remember (!) cheating on him with during their marriage and so on. She continued to be nasty to/about me. Again, no defence from him.
Despite all this, our relationship was going fantastically and we began to consider having a baby. He had been saying that he would start divorce proceedings once they'd been separated for 2 years as that makes things easier. The two year mark passed in September, which is the month I happened to fall pregnant. He was very happy that we were having a baby of our own, but months passed and he made no progress with the divorce. She piled debts on to him and he paid them, she made unreasonable demands regarding about the kids and he did it etc. He then said it would be his new years resolution to get divorced. Now we're nearly in March, I'm 7 months pregnant and he has done nothing.
At the moment my daughter and I are still in our own house, my partner is due to move into a new rented property next month and we were due to move in with him. However, I am having second thoughts. His wife has done so much to be spiteful and as long as they are still married she can still do more - like putting more debts on him, filing for spousal maintenance etc. My daughter and I are finally secure in our own home and if we were to move in with him, I don't feel like we would be anymore as at any point his wife could do something spiteful. My partner cannot afford to support my daughter and I as he pays so much in child maintenance for his/their debts, so effectively if his wife did something to cause him to have to pay out more money, he would be okay as he could live in work accomodation but my daughter, our baby and I would be homeless again.
Every time I bring the divorce up, he says he will get it sorted, but he doesn't. He has gone from having the kids half the time, to once every six weeks and has done nothing. His wife has lived in six different houses since they separated, most recently moving this month without giving him the address, you guessed it- he's done nothing. His wife regularly leaves it to the day of arranged contact before letting him know if he's getting one/both of the kids so my daughter never knows what's going on/we can never make any plans. He suspects one/both of the children may not even be his biologically as a result of how many affairs/one night stands his wife had, but does he do anything...? Of course not. I just feel like his life is one long cycle of putting things off, and I don't want to live like that. I don't understand why he doesn't just get the divorce and kids sorted so he can have some kind of order in his life, instead of living at his wifes beck and call forever. Am I being unreasonable? Would I be silly to move in, or am I worrying too much?