anyone feel like giving me a hug?

[lostaloneandshakey]

Ok all, i need to vent

Dp and I have been together 8 years, DD3.11 we have had a though few years. I donñt want to drip feed but I also don´t want to write war and peace so I will try and keep it brief but ask what you like and I will do my best to answer.

Very hard after dd was born, very difficult now but I thought we were happy sure we have the odd bust up (rowed 4 times in the last 12 months) but we generally were solid.

It was my birthday a couple of days ago. DP got me a card and wrote something lovely in it then later in the day we were talking about a car (we were rear ended in Jan and need a new one) and somehow we ended up rowing, DP then said something like "that´s it I have had enough, i don´t want to be here anymore" i can´t remember the excat words but he what he meant was I am going, its over.

DD and my Mum had made a cake and DD was desperate to sing happy birthday to me and cut my cake (bless her) so after a lot of crying (me) and no talking (DP) I eventually managed to pull it back together and DD sang happy birthday and I opend my cards. DP didn´t stay as "I can´t lie" so it was just DD, Mum and Dad and me. We later that night we talked and talked, as I had not wanted to talk in the afternoon as I want to pull my self together for DD. Eventually after I pointed out to DP he would have to go home and would not be able to see DD often (we live over sea´s and there is NO hope of work here) he said we could try again, as Long as we "don´t argue" I said that is not possible and after more talking he said we could try again.

No we are 2 days later and I keep getting "why are you so quite" "whats wrong" "you seem upset" I told him yesterday that I could not just switch off from his wanting to leave and that I didn´t feel safe anymore and that I don´t know if I can relie on him to be here when the going gets tough and apprently that is because I am a girl and today I just feel worse. its like I someone has died and I don´t know what is wrong with me......HELP

PS: loads and loads more but that is long enough.

no one?

lost, sorry you're going through such a rough patch and I sincerely hope that it is just a patch.

You're dp has behaved badly. I'm not just saying that because he said he wanted to leave, but the fact that he was willing to come back so quickly indicates to me that he never really wanted to split in the first place, which means that he was willing to put you through all that hurt as a warning, effectively. That's what I have a problem with. The fact that he expects you to now feel back to normal is ridiculous. You're bound to feel insecure and unfortunately he's going to have to spend a while making you feel safe again.

How did you feel about the relationship before all this happened? Are your parents around a lot?

oh and

sorry your not "you're"

Thanks,

Thought we were pretty secure. it is hard without about. DP does not get on with DD well, which means everything falls to me to either do it or umpire it. We run our own business Dp will not talk to clients, etc so again that falls to me to do it, I manage the money etc, I feel very tired all the time. DP hates the amount (no where near enough for him) of sex we have (thats my problem after a few things that he said / did post birth of DD)plus I (we) work 12 to 15 hours a day 7 days a week.

My parents help out with DD after school (start at 3years old here) or if we need to go to the dentist etc. We can´t not leave the business unattended so my dad will cover for me.

I don´t even know what I want know, DP has form of this after DD was borne he pretty much ruined every special day to me (chirstening, first christmas etc) like I said it was very tough but I thought we were both the sort to "fix it" rather than quit!

My Parents are not part of the relationship if that is what you meant, it just that granny made my cake with DD (Dp can´t cook)

I'm just trying to understand why he would make sure a bold statement as "I don't want to be here anymore". It's not something you would say unless there were many aspects which were wrong. You wouldn't just say it in a row. Has he mentioned before that he's not happy in the relationship?

It's no bloody wonder though that you're both stressed!! It sounds like you're working yourself ragged! Do you go out just the 2 of you ever?

It litterally came out of no where, I have asked in the past if he is happy etc as he has seemed "diffent" always got "fine, I´m FINE etc"

Not really, go out just the two of us, can´t remember the last time!

You poor, poor thing.

Big hug from me. I am wondering if some counselling might work for you two, together, because it amost sounds like he resents your dd a bit for coming between you...if you guys could get to the bottom of this it might make a difference.

It must be hard living with that sort of bad feeling xxx

He won´t GO. I have tried, his DM was in counciling for years to get her new Dp to marry her litterally 15 years of relate, nhs, private etc. He has NO repsect for counciling.

Sorry to do this but I have to go and work. DP popped out for long enough for me to get this on the board, but he is due back and will be stinking mad if he catches me posting about this (have name changed)

Will come back I promise.

Ok, pet, take care x