'Stop talking to me about your depression, it's bringing me down'

[secretary]

I've been a bit 'fed up' for months, and accepted I might be depressed a few weeks ago and well, it's a hoot, isn't it. Most symptoms, bar the permanent fix to it. Until last week when I started thinking, 'hmm, wouldn't it be lovely to disappear and not be here and not feel anything anymore'. Now, I'm not feeling like doing anything, but frankly that was a bit too near to the suicidal thoughts bulletpoint on the NHS checklist, and it scared me. I read some great advice in the MH boards that really made sense (permanent solution to a temporary problem and the fact that it's my 'illness' making me feel that way, it isn't real).

My 'D' P encouraged me to talk to him about it at first (a whole week ago!) but now today says he doesn't want to hear another word as it's bringing him down.

Ironically, I've had a better couple of days and was feeling better than I had in weeks. Now I'm sobbing about the fact that I somehow ended up getting involved with someone who does not have the empathy or desire to care for my emotional wellbeing. He's competitive about problems and I believe he is the cause of a lot of mine. I really haven't been THAT bad with my depression. I tend to suffer in silence. But I am lacking in strength to 'leave the bastard'. I really don't know what to do.

Hello - I am sure there will be someone lovely to help you soon. I have no real experience here but reading your post I thought immediately that you need someone other than your DP to talk to in real life. He is not equipped to deal with this, you're ill and you need help to take care of yourself and deal with yr depression. Its a big ask of a partner. I am not surprised he has come up lacking.
BUT that said he sounds like he really isn't supporting you enough, being quite callous, you might want to change things with him down the line but for now: take care of yourself xx

Given that you're depressed I would say now is not the time to make any big decisions about your relationship. The first thing to do would be to get yourself well and thinking straight again. Would you consider going to the GP?

Thanks Wriggly. I'm sure I am asking alot in a way, I know he isn't a counsellor or anything so I've taken care not to use him in that way. I was having counselling but was just going round in circles and felt it was indulgent and expensive so stopped. I do feel really bad talking to him, but at the same time, he had said he wanted me to talk to him about my problems. Maybe I am expecting too much.

I think I've just expected too much. I'm going to return to get some kind of help, don't know what, and I'm going to have to finish this relationship, because in truth, I think he is actually the one bringing me down. I assure you I'm not going to harm myself. I will probably NC once I've got to the bottom of this too.

Have you been to gp to get a proper diagnosis?

What makes you think he's the one bringing you down?

No, but I know I am. Sorry if it appears I'm playing internet doctor, but I know that I am depressed. I've been here before and never admitted the problem to myself. I feel that acknowledging it is a start. This should be in MH rather than relationships I guess. I'm sorry. The relationship may be a red herring, though it is part of the problem.

Cailindana because I'm walking on eggshells around him.

I speak too loud. I am clumsy. I am a crap cook. If I carry on eating cheese, I'm going to get fat (I'm a size 8). I talk about my friends too much. I would be beautiful if only I would get my teeth bleached (I don't want to). And so it goes. And I know none of those things are true.

I'm sorry if a drip feed ensues. I'm spinning.

Has he suggested gp then? And you have dragged your heels? That was a cycle I was in with exH. I got so fed up with him as he wouldn't do anything to help the situation

He has mentioned it once, and said if I don't go, he will break up with me.

How awful to live under that constant barrage of criticism. What are the good things you get from your relationship?

Sorry to hear the counselling didn't help - you feeling it self-indulgent was part of a general feeling of not being worthy perhaps? If you go to the GP and you tick the boxes on the form with a high enough level of depression, they will probably refer you to CBT that you might find helpful.

If the counselling left you feeling like you were going round in circles then it was not the right therapist/therapy for you. It can take time to work out what works for you and what does not.
If your partner values you, then he needs to find ways to learn how to support you, but if what you have posted up there is coming from him then you will be much better off without him in your life.
Seeing your GP (if you have a good one) is a good starting point but don't tell your partner because that will save you the hassle of getting rid.

No wonder you're depressed, I think a lot of people would be if they lived with such a dick!

When I landed in the hospital for a weekend due to my depression, my boyfriend of a year dumped me over the phone saying he 'didn't want to be dragged down' by me. Turned out all I needed was a med change, and I was back to feeling great within a few days. Later on he at least had the sense to be ashamed of himself.

Some people just cannot handle or empathise with any sort of mental health problem, and you are best off rid of them. Especially if you have to 'walk on eggshells' around him!

if he is saying all that then you you need to leave him .

too right he could be exacerbating your depression.

it is hard to be around someone who is depressed - and yes he cannot be your therapist - and yes you need to be going to GP and getting help...

but but i never said that kind of thing to my exP when he was depressed (he said them to me tho, go figure) ...i did say thing s like "please take meds" please get help etc. (which he ignored..)