Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Worried...

18 replies

bumbleymummy · 26/02/2012 22:57

DH and I had a row and he stormed out. He gave the impression he wasn't coming back tonight because he took some things with him. He's texted since saying he was sorry about the row and he just left because he needed to cool off but he hasn't come back yet :( he's not answering his phone. I'm just worried about him. He drives me mad sometimes but I love him to bits and I don't like arguing with him. He doesn't have the house keys with him so if I go to bed I'd be locking him out. I just want to know he's ok wherever he is. I'll not sleep at all with things like this... :(

OP posts:

TheOutlawLauraPalmer · 26/02/2012 23:01

Leave a voice message AND a text message letting him know that you're going to bed and you'll be locking the door. Give him 20 minutes maximum to respond asking you to stay up for him to come home - if he doesn't respond then lock the door and go to bed. If you need to, sip a bit off the Night Nurse. Take care of YOURSELF. Don't let him keep you up if he's going to be a pouty baby.

Original poster

bumbleymummy · 26/02/2012 23:03

:( easier said than done! In the heat of the argument I don't care where he goes but now I'm just worried that he's crashed the car or something :(

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 26/02/2012 23:04

Yep, what outlaw said.

The fact is that he has chosen to behave like this and must deal with the consequences. Text and ring and as she said, tell him that unless you hear from him or he is home within 30 minutes then you will be going to bed. Dont forget, he is a grown man with options, not a child that needs looking after. You are reacting like I would if my 14 year old had legged it!

If he decides to ignore you then thats his choice. He is ok, as he has texted you to say so, he is just having a childish tantrum and the best thing to do with those is ignore them.

Original poster

bumbleymummy · 26/02/2012 23:05

He has his voicemail switched off so I can't leave a message anyway. Just tried ringing again and it isn't possible to connect call.... I feel sick... This is not like him :(

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 26/02/2012 23:05

But OP, you know deep down that that is unlikely dont you?

Original poster

bumbleymummy · 26/02/2012 23:08

Unlikely..yes...impossible...no...which is why I feel sick and will not sleep a wink tonight! I'm wondering if he's gone to his mums but if I phone to check then I have to have an awkward conversation about a stupid row!

OP posts:

TheOutlawLauraPalmer · 26/02/2012 23:12

Don't phone your MIL - it's not necessary to involve her.

Seriously bumbley - he's a grown man. Who makes choices. And then must live with the consequences.

Believe me, this will bode well for you and your confidence in the relationship if you can separate your anxiety over his absence and get on with taking care of yourself.

I imagine all will be fine in the morning - and he will have a different (elevated?) opinion of you if you can TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

TheOutlawLauraPalmer · 26/02/2012 23:12

(I know, it's easier said than done - but trust me, confidence of this sort pays back to the relationship in spades)

sternface · 26/02/2012 23:25

Agree about giving him a time-defined period to get back to you before you lock up and go to bed, adding that you WON'T be getting up if he returns while you're asleep.

But I wonder whether he engineered this 'row' in order to get out of the house overnight? Has anything strange been going on that would make you suspicious about anything? Any signs of obsessive secrecy, phone guardedness or change in moodswings?

Original poster

bumbleymummy · 26/02/2012 23:33

No stern, nothing. He is definitely not having an affair and this was not an engineered row. We had plans tonight before he stormed out. I've had a text so I know he's alive at least :) no need to call MIL!

OP posts:

kissthepuppy · 26/02/2012 23:34

Unfair of him to switch off his voicemail. I would text him and tell him you are locking up for bed. You will unlock the door for him to come back in if he calls you on the doorstep, but you really could do without a disturbed night of worry and / or having to get up.

TheOutlawLauraPalmer · 26/02/2012 23:40

Great - you know he's alright, you know you can lock up for the night. Now, be a really strong woman and turn off your phone until the morning.

Seriously. Do it.

Be the woman your husband loves to respect.

Original poster

bumbleymummy · 26/02/2012 23:41

Kiss, he always has it switched off.

OP posts:

sternface · 26/02/2012 23:42

Why does he always have it switched off?

TheOutlawLauraPalmer · 26/02/2012 23:45

Stop worrying about HIM. Who cares why he's got it switched 'off' - switch yours 'off', how about that?

Take care of You.

Get a full night's sleep, you deserve it.

Original poster

bumbleymummy · 27/02/2012 00:01

Stern, because he gets left too many messages if it's on and he doesn't get a chance to return them all and the. People get cross at him - that's his reasoning anyway! :)

I am getting a little bit cross that he's acting like this. I just tend to think worse case scenarios a lot... Past situations etc ( not with DH) as much as I'd like to I'm not going to get any decent sleep tonight which is not going to make me in a better mood for any reconciliation tomorrow!

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 27/02/2012 10:45

"A little bit cross" Really?

If my OH had a paddy, stormed out and refused to answer the phone or texts then I would be bloody fuming! Sounds like he has you exactly where he wants you!

Original poster

bumbleymummy · 28/02/2012 09:06

Bogey, I think it makes more sense for someone to walk away from an argument and cool down rather than saying/doing something that they regret in the heat of it. Its annoying when you're the other person and you want to talk/sort things out (and when it's late at night!) which was why I was cross but I guess I shouldn't expect him to 'get over it' on my schedule/time frame just as it would be unreasonable for him to expect me to do the same. We all get annoyed sometimes. He did actually text me back but didn't want to talk on the phone. He came home, apologised again and everything is fine.

OP posts:

Flip