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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

moving away with son from ex husband who threatens me with PSO

29 replies

scaredmummy78 · 26/02/2012 21:29

Hi, please can someone help me out.
I am now divorced and have met the love of my life and we want to live together 250 miles up the road, but the ex husband is saying i cant take our 5 year old son and that he is going to go for residency and a PSO to stop us moving.
My new partner and i have been together 6 months and we want to start our new life away from where i currently live as the ex will never leave us alone, plus where we want to live the renting of a property is half what it is here, I will be able to give my son a better life away from here.
I have seen a solictor and she has advised to go for a Specific Issue Order, and that it takes upto 20 weeks and upto 7.5k.
I work fulltime to provide for my son and I am not able to get Legal Aid, but i cant afford a solictor.
I am dyselxic and under pressure words come out wrong and i get confused easily and i wont be able to protray myself in the best light.
Please can someone give me some advice asto if there are any charities or other organisations who could help me and any advice is grately recieved.
Thanks.

OP posts:
HoudiniHissy · 28/02/2012 21:09

Listen up love.

6m in and this guy is A BOYFRIEND, not a Partner, and much less a DP.

It wouldn't matter if your last DP was Vlad the Impaler, you are placing yourself at HUGE risk by hooking up (and that is literally all you have had time to do) with a new bloke. You are using this guy psychologically to get away from the other bad man. But you have no idea - really - if this man is not a bad man either.

You know that it takes between 18m and 2 years for an abuser to start to show their true colours and yet just to get away from a known abuser you're going to potentially hand yourself gift wrapped on a plate to a new bloke, you barely know, in a place you know no-one except him. You are a sitting duck for another abusive relationship.

You need to go on the Freedom Programme. You need to work REALLY hard to work out WHY you got into this in the first place. We victims don't just get snatched into these abusive dynamics, we are GROWN for them, we are targetted as weakened by our upbringings and then we are sucked in. Others withhealthy family dynamics KNOW that these abusers are bad news and dump them. We have such little self esteem for whatever reason that we don't. You need to understand what happened to you to make you think that this bad man was worth having a kid with, worth being with, when clearly anyone with a healthy perspective would see straight though him.

You will make an excuse as not being able to afford to live alone. That is bollocks. This country will help you set up again, but you have to put the effort into your own freedom. By shacking up with a strange bloke hundreds of miles away, you are selling yourself into modern day slavery. What would happen if it all went tits up when you are there? Who on earth would help you?

You need to be alone, you need to recover, grieve the loss of the relationship you had with your Ex and you need to LEARN shit loads to stop it happening again. You have done NOTHING at all to protect yourself. You have potentially even placed your own son in HUGE danger.

You can't allow your DS to come into contact with a guy that you are seeing in less than a year. seriously. Sex offenders DO target single mums to get at the children. you HAVE to acknowledge that? Honestly.

I'm sorry you have chosen to think that the comments here have been hurtful, when really they are not. Your outlook is naive, your behaviour reckless. You are playing russian roulette with your lives.

If your Ex has threatened YOU, then you go to the police. If your son has been exposed to witnessing abuse, you need to get it reported, and control orders put in place to protect your son. Contact WA, contact Refuge, the CAB, every one and every one to get proper advice.

For a start. You can insist that your ExP only sees his son in a contact centre. Supervised visits too.

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS BOYFRIEND.

LilacWaltz · 28/02/2012 21:26

I don't think op is listening Houdini Sad

allaboutthename · 28/02/2012 21:32

Excellent post HoudiniHissy, good insight.

scaredmummy, please do listen, no one is being spiteful, they are all speaking from knowledge and experience. You may not see the challenges but they are very visible to everyone else, from the outside.

neuroticmumof3 · 28/02/2012 21:33

I agree with Houdini. You are massively at risk of leaping into another abusive relationship. If ex has been harassing you to the extent that you have had to change email/phone numbers then why haven't you reported it to the police?

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