If you do the cooking, what happens after an argument?

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Hardly the most interesting thread to hit MN, but I am curious.

I do all the cooking, and for the massive majority of time I have no problem with that. When I do get grumpy about it, DH says don't bother cooking let's get take out. So no problem on that score.

The issue is that after an argument the very last thing I want to do is cook for him, yet I get the strong feeling he expects me too and the very fact I do not tends exacerbate the argument and prolong it.

Tonight for instance, we have had an argument. I have heated up some soup for myself and settled down in front of the TV. On this occasion I did ask if he wanted any soup, to which he said no (I would never serve up soup usually for dinner and he doesn't really like soup), but in the past when we have argued I have not asked him.

Anyway, DH is obv starving and the tension in the house is palpable, but to be brutally honest it is quite nice to just sort myself out! I do feel guilty as I don't like him hungry and he is bloody hopeless in the kitcehn so what will happen is that he will have cereal in a couple of hours time when ihe is famished. My point is when you have an argument with someone it feels extremely strange to then get the apron on and start cooking for them.

What do others do?

If dinner was soup, you offered it and he refused, then it's his problem if he chooses to go hungry.

My husband is a crap cook - he has zero confidence in the kitchen, but the many reason he has not learned how to cook is because he has no interest in it.
When we argue I don't cook for him, but he doesn't starve. He knows how to heat a microwave meal or beans on toast.

Actually I think you sound childish.

You know he doesn't like soup. Chores are fairly split by the sounds of it and you deliberately did something you knew he wouldn't like. It all just sounds so pathetic to be honest.

Like someone else said, what if he decided not to pay a bill because you had had a fight??

Also, as we don't know who was in the wrong YOU could have been and still acted in such a ridiculous manner.

It sounds like a sibling squabble.

I would act like an adult and cook a dinner for both of us (and not one that I knew DP didn't like) assuming the argument was not about a recent adultery or something really serious.

I wouldn't see it as cooking "for him".
I would assume you cook for the family, or both of you. Heating up food is different. I'd tell him what's in the fridge.

In our house, ex used to do the cooking. When he sulked he often wouldn't cook for the three of us (DS too), and claimed he was not hungry, which really annoyed me because it just showed how little he cared for DS. At those times, I would still cook enough for the three of us.

But I understand about not really wanting to eat together.

we tend to get on with cooking together which i sometimes hate but it does help dissipate resentment. then we talk calmly and resolve usually. tbh rows are often cos i'm hungry :)

Sorry but there is no excuse in this day and age for a bloke not to be able to knock himself something up in the kitchen is there?
it's unbelievable

i cook usually, though DH will throw together something snacky/easy if i'm not in the mood, once or twice a week. i do the "proper" meals.

if we've argued, we tend to keep going as if everything's normal & we're just a bit pissed off & it will pass soon etc. so i make food as normal. 50% of the time he won't want to eat (loses appetite when upset) so i just leave it in the fridge for him to warm up.

he's a gentle sort, he doesn't usually piss me off to a screaming rage more than once a year at the most. i do remember once not making dinner for him after one of those incidents. he knew i was v v pissed off that time. lol.

I will cook as normal but DP will sit and not eat, to prove a point (what point, precisely, neither of us have figured out as her going hungry while I enjoy my dinner doesn't really teach anyone a lesson )

Whoever cooks around here cooks for the family, not for one specific individual. Dh doesn't refuse to go to work after a row because the money earned would pay my bills and keep me warm.

I cook whatever i was going to cook in the first place, for all four of us. We don't have arguments that leave me feeling that strongly, anyhow. Maybe you need to do something about that.

Leaving aside the argument about useless men in the kitchen, I do all the cooking because I (mostly) enjoy it and am quite good at it and would rather eat something I've cooked than have a ready meal (which is DP's answer to me preferring not to cook every so often). If we've argued, I am conscious of prolonging the atmosphere by being petty, so, if I feel up to eating myself, I wouldn't just cook for me and the kids as that'd be tantamount to throwing down the gauntlet and making things worse.

I have however, when he's been a particular bastard, spat on his plate and/or wiped his bit of chicken round the bin. I then have the satisfaction of revenge being a dish best served hot and looking apparently normal.

Catsmum that's grim, please tell me it's a joke?

My DH had this same situation yesterday, I swallowed my pride and cooked for him. It worked as he then apologised :o

I do most of the cooking though dh is perfectly capable, just I am better at it and do more of it.

I would cook for him because I am cooking for me and dd as well, and will have planned for the 3 of us and got the quantities. I would just be a bit grumpy and bang about when serving dh's oh, and I'd give him the burnt bit or something...