Handling a 'difficult' relative...

[Milchardo]

What is the best way to handle someone who seems to think it's acceptable to ride roughshod over others, and when they express hurt or offense they're told they "can't handle the truth"? The comments and remarks made are deliberately hurtful and inflammatory, and yet the relative involved makes out they are only being honest...

The difficulty is, this relative is extremely clever and articulate and can turn any attempt to address the issue back on the person who is the victim of the remarks to make it appear that they are at fault... No one else seems to be prepared to stand up to her for fear of being a victim of their sharp tongue themselves, so they get away with it time and again. Although I've never been on the receiving end, I can't bear to witness it, but want to word myself in a way that it isn't turned around against me, if that makes sense?

TIA for any advice.

Is this person doing this in front of other people? Are there people she won't do it in front of?

I think you need an agreement between a few of you, where one of you says, "Hang on, that's not a nice thing to say to X" and then the others back that person up.

What sort of things are being said?

Can you please give an example of what the offender says and how they turn it back on their victims if they dare to argue back?

Stay away from them or at the very least, leave as soon as they start their nonsense. Boundaries.

I would ask them to cut it out and not get drawn into a debate if they're good at manipulating things. Something along the lines of "Please stop it. I'm not going to debate it with you, you know exactly what you're doing and it's nasty". Refuse to participate in their manipulations and just cut them off from what they're doing so the other person isn't exposed to more nastiness.

Ugh, people like that are so tedious, I'm unfortunate enough to have encountered a few, they think they're being dead clever & anyone who dares utter a word back is instantly the biggest nutter ever.
As there's no reasoning with them a good 'FUCK off.' repeated along with 'you DO NOT speak to like that. No, I'm not 'threatening' you, I'm telling you you do not speak to my like that.'
Walk away.

I have no advice because I am going through the same sort of thing.

I have distanced myself for now but know the time is coming for her to blow up again, I never get involved in HER dramas, she causes problems all by herself.