Valentine's Day

[Anna0407]

On Valentine's Day my DP had a dozen red roses delivered. He also cooked me a lovely three course meal all from scratch, with a Margarita beforehand and a Prosecco Cocktail to follow. He also bought me a card which said 'Ive been carrying this love around for years and it is for you'. I bought him a card with an elephant on the front to show I hadn't forgotten (elephants never forget). I also bought him some hot cross buns from M&S because I know he likes them. Later on he said he was a bit disappointed with the card, partly because the words on the back of the card said 'elephants - symbol of endurance' which I must confess I had not noticed. He also said that hot cross buns were not a very romantic present - but I bought them thinking about what he likes.

What do others think? Am I being unreasonable? Is he? Please don't agree with my point of view just because I am the Mum - I would really appreciate your honest thoughts.

Seems like he made all the effort to be romantic,& you did a lovely gesture that is more suited to a couple who have been together years & go for quirky rather than romantic gestures.

How old are you both & how long have you been together?

And why are you thinking about this 2 weeks after the event?

It depends.
Did you know what he was going to do?
Did you thank him properly and acknowledged the fact that his contribution did indeed take more effort?

What would he expect?

It is difficult to manage Valentine's day expectations. Perhaps he was more in the mood than you were, in which case he is being a little unreasonable.
Ultimately a relationship is about the day to day and not the big gestures. Some events you may make a bigger thing than him, others he will.
It doesn't mean one loves the other less.

He probably just needs to feel acknowledged for all his efforts. :)

I knew about the meal. I didn't know specifically about the flowers but he usually does something like that. He is late 50s and I am mid 40s. We have DCs aged 6 and 8. Asking now because I wanted an independent view and suddenly remembered I could ask MumsNet. Thanks for responses so far and I am interested in more views if others would like to add theirs.

He was romantic, you were practical, Valentines is for romance! x

Oh God this scares me, to think I might be getting it all wrong too! I would have done what you did. Something he likes, a special treat, I mean not everyone likes cocktails or oysters, however romantic they're supposed to be.

It sounds like he has different expectations...if I was with someone who liked all the classic 'romantic' stuff I think I'd die. I really don't do that sort of thing.

It would be like being with a man who wanted me to wear skirts all the time and loads of make up, it's just not me. If my OH wanted to take me out for a posh meal and all the works and violins and red roses, I'd just feel so uncomfortable, I'd probably ditch him.

I'd rather fix a car engine with him tbh.

I think you need to talk, you obviously care for each other, but maybe you show it in different ways. Reassure him that you love him, I'm not sure what else to suggest. I don't think you did anything wrong. I know plenty of very happy couples, such as my parents who might well buy one another a bird feeder or bicycle light for Valentines...it works for them.

Oh and it reminds me of an ex who would turn up at mine having shaved, had a bath, wearing his best undies etc and suddenly got fed up with me because I hadn't done the same.

I was so busy with my small child, it never occurred to me. I mean I was clean but shaved legs etc, perfume, Oh my Goodness you can forget it.

We didn't last very long. (I don't smell awful - honest!!)

Well DH and i didn't do anything for each other for Valentine's Day, but it falls in the middle of our anniversary and both our birthdays so apart from early on we have pretty much always ignored it.

But... for our annivesaries and birthdays DH tends to do the big grand gestures, and I do smaller things. That's just how we are. But why would I go to the trouble of making an especially nice dinner, for me a treat would be going out because I always do the cooking. DH tends to buy me fancy jewellery, but apart from cuff links (done that soooo many times) what would I buy him that was extravagant?

So I tend to be the one that does more nice things for him day to day - see something small he would like and buy it, make his favourite meal when he's under a lot of stress at work etc, whereas he does the grander occasional gestures - it's how we are and we're both happy with that.

Our anniversary is the next day, so DP usually receives a "mystery" card and I get nothing, but then the next day he'll take me out to dinner and I'll get him a present. This year I helped DDs and bump buy him chocs and made a lovely set of photos saying "we love you" for valentines and bought him a cookery book and meat thermometer for anniversary.
He took a mutual female friend - has boyf no kids, to cinema on V day and worked late the next day.
I would have been over the moon with a card and hot cross buns - although I would have wondered about the buns that we usually eat on Good Friday rather than valentines.