How do you move on after someone's fuck up

[shotinfoot]

DH could lose his driving licence. He has accumulated 12 points and faces a 6 month ban.

I am beyond livid. He has been on 9 points for a long time and really did clean up his act. Went of speed awareness course, really changed his driving.

I believe him when he said it was a momentary lapse - it was a new area, he was unfamilar with the road and thought it was a 40. Was doing 36. But I'm not condoning it or excusing it.

The fact is he could lose his licence and therefore his job. It is entirely his fault and was entirely avoidable.

He is a good husband and I love him dearly - but I'm not sure how we will manage and I'm not sure how our relationship will cope if the worst happens.

I can't sleep at night for worrying and everytime I look at him I just feel rage!

I think the issue here is whether you love him enough and what if it had been you?

Anger is a natural reaction, but it's likely to go away at some point.

Could he find another job?

Sorry but I think you are being quite harsh on what even you admit was a momentary lapse. 36 in a 30 zone is a really easy mistake to make if you thought it was a 40, hardly crime of the century.

See a solicitor, as it is very likely that if his other points have been on his record for a while the magistrates would be more lenient than to impose the ban. Good legal advice is invaluable in this sort of case.

Stop raging it him though.. there are a lot worse things in life than this.

Just a thought. I don't know what your husbands job is but this happened to a friend of mine and he emplyed a driver for the length of time he was banned. Okay it cost him a lot of money but a least he saved his job.

If he lose his job and you don't work he becomes the SAHP and you become the worker.

That is a bit simplistic Fabby.. being banned from driving and losing his job doesnt mean he cant look for and find another job that doesnt involved driving.

I know it's not the worst situation in the world and I know that there are solutions.

I am part time at the moment but I could go full time, he could ask for unpaid leave for a while, he could find another job (although that could be tricky at the moment).

But I just feel so angry that any of those things are necessary and that's what is eating me up.

I do love him very much and know that I need to get past it.

We have had a long run of shit recently, a lot of it centred on him but not all of it his fault (actually none of it really) and we have managed and I have supported him and helped him. We had finally got to a place where things had calmed down and were going well, or at least looked like they might start to.

And now this.

Like jobs are easy to find are they? Oh yeah no worries just get another job just like that! ha ha ha if only.

Honestly, get some proper legal advice. Find a solicitor who specialises in motoring offences (there are plenty), and see them. Even if it costs you money, it is worth it if it means he keeps his licence and his job.

My own stepson did exactly this and didnt lose his licence.

Fabby, that applies to me just as much as it applies to him.

Hence my ire.

Thanks squeaky. I think we will have to do that.

Well to be fair Fabby, you are suggesting that OP just walk into a job being the main earner too! Which is why I said it was not that simple.

I know it does Shotin, terrible situation for you and I hope you can get some legal advice and get this sorted out for both your sakes. Good luck.

If the penalties were less harsh they would not act as a good enough deterrent.

If your whole livlihood depends on him being able to drive ie he can't get another job, you cannot support the family, then he should have been more careful - especially as he already had a bunch of points. How many chances should he get?

Have you considered him gettting a driver? My Dad had to do this when he lost his license TWICE.

bonkers I know all that, that's why I'm so angry.

I don't think we can afford for him to get a driver - he doesn't earn that much. And, actually, that wouldn't help my anger towards him, I would just be angry that we were paying for a driver rather than him losing his job.

If he is appropriately contrite and fucked off with himself I would be able to get past this.

Your justifiable rage will fade in time.

Make sure he is the one who does all the damage-limitation though(seeking advice, looking into options etc) not you as this will grate even more

Act on squeaky's advice as, in these cases, a good solicitor is worth their weight in gold fat fees.

However, don't simply walk into your nearest solicitor's office. Either seek personal recommendation from friends/family or browse the net to find a lawyer who has a proven track record in defending and mitigating speeding charges.

There are also numerous motoring forums on the net where your dh can obtain instant advice, and may be able to discover whether the road is known for taking drivers unaware.

It might help you overcome your rage if see the road where he was caught speeding - take a camera, retrace his route, and get photographic evidence of signs, road markings etc that may support his assertion that he hadn't realised he was driving in a 30 zone.

Before we all get too excited about "getting him off" with the charges, let's remember speeding is a criminal offence, and this guy has form

I truly feel he should take the deserved punishment like a man, and I am sure all the families of injured/killed relatives by drivers who were flouting the rules of the Highway Code would say the same < sigh >

This is said kindly, btw, I have convictions for speeding myself. I took my punishment, because I did wrong. The act that he has done this enough times to jeapordise his own career and family finances is not actually the point, tbh

Could you just say you were driving and take his 3 points? The camera is nearly always behind the car so they rarely get a picture.

MV that is against the law. That isn't good advice. Op's life is about to get complicated enough without a potential court case of her own (or the worry and stress of getting found out)

Just a thought!

Yes, it's a thought, MV

I recently did a speed awareness course too, which has changed my attitude completely.
Your DP does not seem to have picked up the message at all. They stress the warning signs (street lights) which indicate a 30 mile an hour limit.
It is a great way to avoid getting points but if people fail to take the message on board then they deserve to get points the next time.
I hope this is the wakeup call he needs to change his driving habits.

As the OP has said there won't be enough cash to pay a driver should her dh lose his licence, I think we can safely assume that he's unlikely to be a member of parliament and therefore her taking the rap is as unnecessary as it is illegal maleview

Fwiw, it's not about 'getting him off'; it's about his legal right to mount a vigorous defence and/or put forward a case for mitigation in the event that he is convicted.

I occasionally drive along a road that goes from 40 to 30 to 40 to 30 to 20 to 30 to 20 to 40 in considerably less than a mile. Unsurprisingly, the Chancellor's coffers are continually swelled from the revenue in fixed penalty fines this road produces.

Fortunately, although I've had the odd flash (not, I hasten to add, from a male in a dirty mac) I haven't been done for speeding yet.