Can a trial separation repair a marriage?

[Annem1]

I have been with my husband 22 years we have two children aged six and eleven. We have been going to counselling but my husband stopped it saying it made him realise how Different we are and that there is nothing between us.

My husband is going to move out he said he may consider us dating each other and first to see if this reignites anything does anyone have any advice re this.

I am devastated and struggling to cope. I have no family nearby or close friends and am terrified of how I am going to cope.

I'm sure you mean well and are trying to help this poster amillionyears but I don't understand your take on this at all. It's like you're reading a different thread to the rest of us.

This man's behaviour is disgusting. He is cruel and manipulative.

The OP doesn't need a self-help book that tells women that they should shut up (which is effectively the message of that terrible book)

She needs to stop pandering to her husband's manipulations and tell him she's worth more than he's prepared to offer.

I really hope your posts aren't coming from your own tolerance of crap male behaviour. If they are, I hope you realise that you too are worth more than this.

I agree with sternface.

He has checked out of the marriage and is probably attached to someone else. There is nothing you can do except to move on

OP this guy has a nerve saying YOU need to change, and you're falling for that hook, line and sinker. Make a pact with yourself not to cry in front of him for a start - believe me, he will despise you for that. Even if you have to cry a river when his back is turned, so be it.
If the children are staying at his for the weekend, use the time to do something for yourself. You should have friends and you should have hobbies and it's never too late for that so start now. Either arrange to meet someone or arrange some pampering for yourself and make lists of what you want to do in the future.

This guy has checked out already. Do yourself a favour and make a life without him. Advice telling you there's hope here is misguided imo.

I agree with most of what Helltotheno says .DH may or may not have checked out.
The book most certainly does not tell women to shut up. Have you read it?All of it?
I have been married to my DH for 24 years so far.

Unfortunately I had to read that book in order to write a review of it. I absolutely slated it. It's entire premise is that men and women are completely different, which is patriarchical bollocks. IMO, it simply encourages men and women to view eachother with wariness and trepidation and it is far too tolerant of crap male behaviour. Instead of challenging that behaviour, it encourages women to pussy-foot around it and 'manage' it. In fairness, but to a lesser extent, it also seems to encourage men to tolerate crap behaviour in women, instead of having open and direct communication. I think it's even more dangerous than that Men are from Mars shit, because most people know that's a load of sexist tripe, but this book actually masquerades as a psychologically valid work.

But the main point is that reading a book like this is totally redundant and a waste of time if you're married to a cruel, manipulative shit, as in the case of the OP. Instead of hoping he changes his mind and wants to come back, the OP should be putting up bunting and flags that she's finally got rid of him.

I'm in an even longer marriage than you and I've never had to devise strategies to get him to listen. We're adults who respect eachother and if either of us treated eachother like the OP's husband has been treating her, we both know that neither of us would tolerate it and would be shown the door.

I'm with Bogeyface and sternface on this one. Whether it's another woman or not, he's checked out of the marriage. I don't believe lying down and letting him walk all over you will bring him back - or make him worth living with if he does. He certainly doesn't regard you with any compassion, does he? Your husband of 22 years walks out on you, you have every right to be upset but all he can do is be rude about it - and he's the cause of it! What a perisher.

You had some great advice back in February, from Xales, VanderElsken and others. I suggest you revisit it and put it into practice, hard though it will feel at first. And love yourself a bit. This isn't your fault.

OP, leave the bastard. Whether or not he already has an OW it's clear he wants you to play the "pick me" dance.

Does his moving out entail you doing a far larger proportion of the childcare (for distressed DC) and running the family home while he has plenty of time?

Never ceases to shock me how these men just walk out on their families, the wife, the two kids..........selfish in the extreme.

Sorry OP but nothing you have written is telling me he is actually interested in saving the marriage, sounds like he wants to get out there and see what else is on offer, instead of waiting patiently like a good wife you really need to start doing the same, in other words, form a life for yourself, he is!

Trail separations to help repair things are a myth, unfounded in reality. I have never known one to end with anything other that separation. H is a cheeky Bxxxxx for even suggesting it. There is definitely another woman.

Concentrate on you and DC now, H is not your friend.

It seems to me from what you've written, that he has admitted the counselling made him realise how different you are. I don't want to be hurtful, but it seems he has made his decision. I would be inclined to prepare for the eventuality of it being over. Try and be indifferent to him and pursue your own interests. He may be of the idea that if he changes his mind, he can come crawling back. Let him see that if it's over there is no going back, it is permanent and you are fine with this (even though you are not). Although all considered, even if he did real use the error of his ways and the fact that the grass isn't greener, I would struggle to trust and be happy in this relationship. I'm sorry you are going through this, you have to be well to mind your wee kiddies, they come first.

This thread is FOUR YEARS OLD

I didn't see the deleted post by Greenlee711 but I've seen the hocus potion merchant about earlier and I think that the witch doctor is calling, so it's probably a good idea to look for the dates on threads. The 'I will cast a spell and solve your life' people usually resurrect an old thread, tell you how to contact the sorceror, MN Towers zap that post pretty promptly but the thread is then bumped up.

Would it be worth getting together and creating a MN voodoo doll so we can all stick a virtual pin in it every time one of these posts comes up?

I hate old threads, it makes me wonder how the OP got on. I hope she is having a lovely new life.