I know I'm a cow, but please be gentle...

[MrsBonkers]

I think I've emotionally 'checked out' of my marriage.
Its my 2nd wedding anniversary on Monday, but rather than celebrating, I just feel sad. Didn't have the wedding I would have wanted due to in-law interferance and I've never really forgiven them for it.
We have a 19month old DD (yes, was pregnant when we married.)

Went out for the afternoon today and DH was just so grumpy. Its like being married to Victor Meldrew. Think I've just had enough.

He's a nice enough guy and to be honest, I don't think I'll ever do any better, but I guess I'm better off being alone than with someone so emotionally draining.
I miss laughing and having fun times.

May drip feed a little, as I don't really know how to describe what I'm feeling, or what I'm asking. Just feeling so low that I had to get it out somewhere.

I have no idea how I'd cope if it were just me and DD. I have depression and he handles that pretty well. Probably sounds ironic that a depressive thinks their OH is miserable!

I hold down a good job and usually have a fair bit of common sense, but this has me stumpted. I don't even know how to start preparing to leave.

Like I said, just needed to get it out......

You're not being a cow at all. And firstly, depression is not the same as being a miserable git, you're not well. I will say go to your doctor and tell him this, and ask for help. you had your big day stolen and had a baby not long after. Now if that doesn't even partly explain why you feel like you do, then I'm stumped. I'm not actually being helpful, I know, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe you're (understandably) seeing the worst in things and to try to not make any rash decisions before you've sought help. You may view things differently, and at least if not, you'll be in a better position to take any action you need.

Thank you for your compassion and trying to understand. Nice to get a reply.

I've taken anti-depressants for years. Only stopped them when I was pregnant and started back up when DD was 6wks old - we knew I'd be a prime candidate for PND so looked out for it.
Found out I have a thyroid problem about 6 months ago too and that plays its part. Dry hair/skin, sore joints etc.

So nice that someone gets that depression is different from being grumpy. Most people would say I have a good sense of humour and am quite easy going - its the mind games I play with myself in private that get me.

Just feeling like I'm dead already when I'm with him, but maybe that ius the depression talking.

I'm 35, you'd think I'd know by now that the grass isn't greener...

I know it's the old saw but have you tried couples counselling? tbh I'm one of those who wonders why on earth people don't - it would save people getting really stuck further down the line, at which time a lot of unravelling needs doing. It sounds to me that he's not happy either - so that's both of you. If you got it all out with a counsellor you'd have a better chance of finding out what's going on.

this may not be a popular opinion but I think it is better to do all you can to try to make it work as you have a child. If you have done your best (together eg counselling, marriage courses etc) and it still isn't working then definitely look at going your own way. But to me it sounds like some thorns have gone in somewhere (the wedding?) and that has soured your relationship? Just a guess.

btw couples counselling is not only to mend fences etc but also supports people when they want out.

An underactive thyroid can cause depression, and add to it when it's already there. Don't beat yourself up, none of it is your fault at all. Make sure you get regular blood tests and there are some threads on here about it. Look after yourself, I really do wish you well. You sound very much like myself after my third child. My second birth was awful, never really got over it, and hadn't been diagnosed with what now I believe to be the beginnings of my thyroid problem. It does get better, I promise you. Before you ask, I did divorce but not related to any of this, and a lot later.

Did you actually want to marry him? In what ways is he miserable? Do you ever see him act happy eg around other people or has he always been a misery-guts? (sorry for loads of qu's)

ivanpoo Good question. Yes, we were engaged for 5 yrs. Due to family demands on what kind of day we should have(his family are Indian), it just always seemed too much hassle to arrange a day.
However, we decided we wanted children. - well, he did and I 'gave in'. My reluctance was due to my depression issues; wanting to die and not wanting to bring a child into the world knowing that they may one day feel the same.
So, our little girl WAS planned, but his parents 'demanded' we get married when we told them. Our origional plan was to wait until after our child was born so they could be part of the day, but this was unacceptable and to keep the peace we agreed. Our wedding was planned in 6 weeks. In some ways it was beautiful, but I made so many comprimises.
I sobbed through the whole ceremony. I think everyone just assumed it was pregnancy hormones and happiness, but I think that was just part of it.

He seems happy when chatting to people on the phone or if he has his friend over. How is he miserable? He just winges - lol. In his eyes everything is shit, nothing is ever good enough.

springdaffs I agree, people should do everything they can to make a marriage work ESPECIALLY when children are involved. That's why I feel such a cow for giving up already. I have no idea how to broach the subject with him and I'm also a bit scared of how honest I might be. He drives me nuts, but I never want to hurt him. he's done nothing wrong. He's always been like this, I knew this, I just underestimated how wearing it would be trying to be happy enough for both of us.

lisaro yes, I believe my thyroid problem has been having an effect for years despite blood tests only just tipping into the 'abnormal' range. It makes me feel so old and broken.
I was lucky, my DD's birth was easy-ish. I'm sorry you had a bad time.

Thanks all. Writing it down and your questions, are helping me get it a bit straighter in my head.