Just interested in other views on this

[meandmypickle]

I have posted alot recently - my latest post is below

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1408364-feeling-so-low-and-lonely

I'm just after a few more objective view on the latest.
His beaviour when angry has been an issue & lack if taking responsibility for his behaviour. Trust has been a big issue as h has told several lies during our time togeher, some totally pointless and trivial, others more significant.
He applied for a promotion at work a few months ago, but said he'd hear nothing back. the started looking at jobs outside his company which was strnage in the current climate, and alos mentioned his bonus wouldn't much. He also told h]me a month or so a go how he was managing a discipinary case for someone who wasn't interracting appropriately with people and was very rude.Last month, as part of my own individual counselling, I wrote him a letter to explain how his bevaiour when angry intimidated me and also how important it was to me that he tell the truth, whethr about small or big things , however difficult it might be. He committed to this.
Then a few weeks ago, i found a letter which stated he'd had a written warning at work a couple of months ago, mainly for his poor way of interacting with people - no empathy, using inflammatory language and inappropriately challenging people.

This obviously explains why he wasn't considered for promotion, why he was looking for other jobs, etc. The promotion would have been an ideal step up for him and the increase salary would have been significant.He been totally lying about all the reasons and even more bizarre telling me about the woman whose case he was managing. it's all the worse, in a way as the warning was about behaviour (which i've been subjected to for years) rather than just an inability to do the job
Last week i told him i'd found out - all he said was that it had been difficult to deal with. No apology, nothing
What would you think/feel/do

Oh no, someone's made me doubt myself know by saying h must just have been embarrassed about telling me.
Therre i was feeling so strong.....

Nobody can make you doubt yourself.

Either you doubt yourself or you dont, you have a choice.

one person in all the mass replies you have had here (and in RL too) could make you "doubt yourself" ?

come on love, admit it

you are looking for any reason to give this man yet another chance to fuck you over, aren't you

just what exactly does he have to do before you say "enough is enough" ?

Ok maybe i didn't word it quite right.
I suppose i feel a pang of sympathy for h, howefer doesn't change the blatant lies, lack of trust, opnennes, etc

This is precisely why you have got to stop canvassing any more opinions from strangers and use all of your knowledge of your h and your relationship to make an informed decision - and stick to it.

If you don't do this, you're going to bend with the wind and will be unable to reach any resolution.

The problem is that if you continue to prevaricate, people will form the conclusion that you're one of those people who derive satisfaction from moaning about how awful their spouses/partners/relationships are while having no intention of taking the necessary steps to bring about any meaningful or positive improvement to their lot.

The danger is that if you continue to bang on for months/years about the sorry state of your marriage you may find a rapt audience in strangers, but your friends will simply tune you out - and, eventually, they'll start crossing the road when they you see you coming.

love, there are bound to be a couple of people, if you ask often enough, subtly leave out things and word it differently who might say something like "he can' be all bad"

and you will hang onto that ?

those people though may not understand about how his behaviour is actually tantamount to abuse of you, may suggest you swallow it to make themselves feel better about having done that themselves or even simply not read the thread properly

stop asking the same thing repeatedly, hoping it will change things somehow

it won't

Thanks AF - wise words as ever :)