DH and I have been married for just under two years (our 2nd wedding anniversary should be on the 24th of March, all being well..). We have two DSs, our older son is two and a half and our younger son is nearly seven months.
Things just feel a bit broken at the moment. We are rarely physically intimate with each other.. I just don't really want to get close to him. I love him and I don't want to be without him - the problem is definitely with me. I am very overweight and I have an eating disorder (overeating and purging, if anyone's interested..). I feel disgusting and I don't want him to touch me. I don't feel like having sex or being naked or letting him see me without being completely covered up, because I think that I'm just totally hideous and he'll run away screaming. He says he still thinks I'm beautiful but a little voice in my head says that he's only saying that to get his leg over..
We argue a lot but I know a lot of it is due to frustration on both sides. He's quite a sexual person and up until I fell pregnant with DS2 we had a pretty active sex life (sorry for all the detail but I don't want to drip feed or miss anything that's important..), but I know he isn't satisfied anymore. If I'm honest I'm not either but I just can't get past my body hang-ups. My libido isn't quite what it was but I think that's more due to the way I feel about myself than anything else, and possibly breastfeeding might have a hand in it too. I have spoken to him about the way I feel but he just seems to think that I should be OK because he still thinks/says I'm attractive. I have tried to explain it isn't that simple, especially when my mind is still firmly entrenched in an eating disorder state, but he doesn't seem to get it.
I want to make things better for us but I just don't know what to do. Any advice from wise Mumsnetters please?