Should I contact my sister

[MandyT68]

I am one of several sisters. I am in good contact with all but one who told me nearly 2 years ago never to contact her again. She lives a long way away so no chance of meeting up. I have done as asked but continued to send birthday and Christmas presents for her, her husband and (young) children. My children want to be in touch as these are their only cousins as my husband no longer has a sibling and my other sisters are childless as yet. My question is, do you think she wants to be in touch? She always sends my children money at Xmas and forgets birthdays. I get nothing but it is not about gifts and I really mean that. She sent my daughter (primary aged) a birthday card 2 months late but full of news and photos. Is she trying to communicate with me and should I respond? Very scared of being hurt as she did some really cruel and unpleasant things last time we were in contact but she can be lovely. Should I send an email?

Why doesn't she want you to contact her?

Very complicated really. She was angry after a funeral which she felt should be arranged one way (expensive - she has lots of money) and we couldn't afford to pay hundreds of pounds towards a free bar as we had just buried my husband's father and had no money after paying for that. Also, we were investing in our business and she felt we should spend that money on wine and a posh hotel. She had upset me by bitching openly that we should have taken our young children to my Oh's Dad's funeral but he knew he was dying and made it clear they were not to come. Complicated and all very emotional.

I wouldn't bother unless you feel you are really missing out. I think the ball is in her court now. Sometimes family is more trouble than is worth the effort.
Unless you were really close and feel you should be making it up to her in some way?

I might, after all this time. Just a not saying that you love her very much and always will and that your ready to be in touch any time she is. What have you got to lose? All that stuff could be water under the bridge by now, for both of you. Might be time to let it go and move on, no?

Personally if it were me I would not bother. She is the one who broke contact with you. If you make contact with her again it would look like you are taking the blame for what happened. Unless you feel that way then why should you be the one to make contact? I think what she did to you was spiteful.

But feel a bit odd as she is seeming to contact me through my daughter who is a bit bewildered by the sudden interest and it feels like an approach to ME. But have been really hurt and don't want to open old wounds as they always hurt so much.

I sent my sister (10 yrs older) a card to say I loved her and we are just around the corner agter 3 years of no contact...she had heart surgery and could have died. She had every card up....mine was in the bin! Considering our brother is dead she has been pure cold. She told our mum as far as she is concerned we are both dead:(
So speaking from experience I would leave her alone, carry on sending presents to the children though that is nice.
My ds was 3 yrs old and severly disabled at the time and after I spent 16 yrs babysitting/buying presents always there...I think it is more to do with ds is disabled and she was worried she would be asked to babysit etc

It is her choice and decision, there is nothing you can do....unless you want to say you were sorry and it was all your fault...but why should you, as you did nothing wrong.

Thanks seaofyou. Pure cold. Love that expression. Are you in Scotland? Hard to give up on family but yours sounds terrible particularly when you had so much to cope with and you still thought of her when she was ill.

Thank you MandyT68 I try not to get upset about it all but it hurts hard at times after 8 yrs without dbro and now 4 yrs without dsis I see myself as an 'only' child and ds has no auntie/uncles/cousins ...but I have gone out of my way held hand out for contact and it was thrown away:(
My only worry is my mum if she becomes to ill to leave her granny flat with dsis to visit ds....he would be devestated as 'nan' is ds only other family:(
I'm a fellow celt but with a leek and a shamrock:)

I will be moving soon (hopefully if I can sell) so it will be harder to have contact with my mum....but I will have to get used to this when she has gone as no other family....except ds of course.

But you will teach your son about family and that is what matters isn't it. What we build rather than what our family sets out to destroy?

Very wise words:)

I posted to help you, but you are helping me

It is a matter of waiting now and the longer the less chance I am afraid.
Maybe next time she sends money send a thank you card and say what dd bought etc...it may build up slowly again through the dc...I hope it does for you as it horrible for you, dc, sibs.
Even if it turns into 3 monthly letters of thank you for B'days/xmas etc it can build up. But I would not open can of worms by emailing for more contact/communication in any shape or form or discuss anything...try and let communication happen naturaly via occassons...slowly slowly