How badly should you want to jump someone when you start dating them?

[toptramp]

I have started dating a lovely man; he likes me and I like him ; as a person. He is very attractive and I do find him attractive BUT I do not get that despearte to rip his clothes off, butterflies feeling that I feel I should be getting. We hold hands and hug and there is a vibe. Today he kissed my neck but we were in public. When we said gooodbye I went for a snog but it was not reciprocated. There is a spark but I don't know if it's enough.
I have a few doubts; first I have a crush on someone at work who is a bad idea and not interested but I still have this crush as I see him all the time, second my date lives far away and we both feel it is an issue but otherwise he's a lovely, lovely man. Am I being shallow in thinking there should be that wanting to rip each other's clothes off feeling going on?

Ive had four dates with someone now, and on the first three dates there was nothing, on the fourth it seemed to change, we were more comfortable with each other, the kissing was amazing where before it wasn't, we haven't slept together yet either, he wants to wait.

The guy Im seeing has habits that long term would make me go grrrrr but I guess you get that with an older guy.

OP, the desire can definetely increase after a few dates. I find most first kisses aer not great, but if you like someone (and there HAS to be personality match) it often gets fiery after a few tries. Obviously if he repulses you that's not going to change, you have to also like looking at him to start with and you have to like the touch, the rest may well follow.

I have had periods when I have been very happy alone and then I get bored. I think it is natural to want to mate; nature abhors a vacum and all that. Fair play to those who can be happy long term single but lets face it most people want a loving dp. Mabe I need a bit longer though til my radar is better tuned and I am more whole. The problem is I have nnever had that true romance/love and I want it!

Can I just run this past everyone as a red flag? We live 2 hours a part. Not a big deal to me atm as I am quite happy to meet at weekends. He has had a few long distance things recently as there aren't many single ladies where he is. He said that one of the problems he has with long distance is that there would be more opportunity for me to go out and therefore cheat. AIBU to think he might be one of those blokes who dosn't like his gf to go out without him? I said that I would have my own social life regardless of whether he is living close by or not. To be fair I think he has been burned in the past.
I also reassured him that when in love I do not stray.

nah, you are wasting your time. He cant be that in to you if he does not reciprocate a snog attempt.

izzy, there was a slow build up. I must admit I was surprised at how good it was though (especially as the first snog was the worst snog I've ever had!)

yes the embarassment of a bungled snog attempt- nah!

Op - yes, that would be a red flag for me! If you can't trust the person you're seeing to go out socially without you, then what kind of relationship is that? He sounds deeply insecure and immature. I'd jump ship if I were you.