has living with his parents damaged us

[mummycolyer]

hi we moved in with his parents to save a deposit to by our own home, we have moved now it to our lovely home but something is not right.
when we lived alone before he was the perfect gentleman helped with our little one always gave me a hand with the cleaning or cooking although i did most of it when i was still off work now i only work 8 hours less than him but he wont help anymore and complains when somethings not done has watching his mum round round after his dad changed his view of our relationship

Have you talked to him about his change in behaviour?

I would tell him you're not his mother, you expect him to pull his weight as he used to and stop letting him get away with it.

when i talked to him about it he went on about how he works 39 hours while i sit at home never mind the fact i work 31 hours and deal with little one all day and night as he pretends not to hear her at night cause he knows i wont leave her to get to him i am sure its because for a year he watched his mum (works full time) do everything for his dad (retired) i just want to kick him he says he will change but it to tired from work at the moment

So, he won't "help" around the house as he views it as additional work, yet when you do it in that 8 hours free from being out at work, it's "sitting at home?" He can't have it both ways.
Count up how much leisure time you each have.

Its hard to read without Full stops but sounds like he's not being very fair

He must have been brought up with MIL doing everything for FIL, so I really don't think you should hang your hat on the year you spent living there alone. He's always had their example. Did you follow her example and pick up after him while you were there? However, you know he can contribute - but now he chooses not to.

You could try working out how much time you spend working/household chores/childcare and what leisure time you have, vs his time working & his down-time - then show him and insist on a more balanced picture.

You could try a strike - refusing to do anything of his - none of his washing, cook for yourself & dc, etc etc.

You could try when he complains about something going undone, say mopping the floor, hand him the mop.

You don't work much less than him, there's no reason everything should fall to you.

I'd be tempted to send him back to his parents.

Point out to him he married you, he lived with you before, he knows what sort of relationship you want, if he now doesn't want the sort of relationship he signed up for, you can discuss ending this one so you can find the sort of man you want and he can go shag a woman who's just like mummy.

Oh, 39 hours a week isn't even full time by most company's definations (that being 40). He's working shorter hours than most men I know, who are able to pull their weight at home too.

He has seen his mum pick up and wait on FIL for too long,get him to have baby when he comes in from work and you take some me time or make him take baby out at week end if you do chores,this is too one sided when mine where small DH worked 60hrs a week and I worked up to 30hrs but we shared everything thats how we got on and made it work for us,he is living a charmed life.