I could have namechanged for this, but heck, what's the point. This is going to be a bit long, and I might not be able to get everything in one post (I shan't mean to drip feed), but this needs doing. When your relationship seems more fantastic (in a what more could go wrong sort of way) than an episode of a soap, then I reckon it's time to look at it properly. Apologies if there are breaks - I have 2 small dc who like to try and turn the laptop off!
Let's start at the very beginning.
I was very very unworldly when I met Dh. I was 35, and never had a relationship. I met him online. I had been living alone for just over 10 years and never thought I'd meet anyone, being a very shy person who couldn't say boo to a goose.
He was an alcoholic. Used to drink in excess of 20 pints a night, and still drive over to see me, which involved coming down the M1. But somehow there was a charm, and one month after we met he proposed. I honestly don't know now what the attraction was. Attention? I don't know. We got married within 6 months, and I was only actually given 3 weeks notice of the wedding as he booked the registry office. Why I didn't speak up about it, I can't tell you. I suppose I got caught up in it all.
I do wonder if the wedding was a ploy to help him though. That sounds bad, and I have no proof.
What I didn't know the whole time was that there was a court case looming for tax fraud. He set the wedding date 11 days before the court case. I only found out about the court case just before the wedding, but the severity was downplayed. On the day itself, he gave me the wedding ring back and told me to look after it. I was somewhat upset to say the least. He should have gone to prison for 2 years, but because he was deemed to have turned over a new leaf (recently married) and whatever his "team" came up with (I wasn't allowed in the court roon so will never know), he got a suspended sentence and a tag for 6 months. So we spent the first 6 months of married life not able to do anything. And still I stuck with him.
I moved away from my hometown, my friends, my job, my family, sold my house... oh boy. He handed in his notice for his job the day after we married, so we relied on the job I got. He spent that summer watching the football and cricket, and drinking in the sunshine.
He decided to go self employed, and the equity from my house disappeared. We tried that for a while, it didn't work out, so now he does something else. We've been through an mc, he's had cancer and various other bits and bobs, and we now have 2 small dc.
But. And here's the main point after all the lead up. He's a serial liar. I have uncovered lies about being at work when he is actually out drinking, or being on the way home when he's at the pub literally doors down from here. He's lied to other people, pretending to be me, saying some terrible things to get out of paying debts. He even pretended to be his own non-existent brother claiming that he was dead.
It's all come to a head. I cannot trust him. With 20/20 hindsight, I should have bailed out long ago.
He just cannot seem to tell me the truth, and can you live like that, never knowing whether to believe someone? I told him last night that if he cannot change, we have to end it.
He said to me that because I seem to expect him to do wrong he thinks to himself "oh f* it, I may as well do it then". But he says he never wants to lose me or the dc.
I am in a very sticky situation, I'm sure you'll agree. I have a 1 and 2 year old, and have been isolated away from everything although that is beginning to change slowly now that dd goes to playgroup and I am meeting people.
What on earth can I do? How many more chances do you give someone like this?
Sorry for the long post - I don't want to be accused of drip feeding, and while the dc are busy playing I can type it in one go!
Sorry if anything doesn't make sense - trying to do this quickly.