How to get a relationship

[teahouse]

I've been a single mum for nearly 12 years and not had a relationship for over 6 years. Done some internet dating but to no avail. How the hell does a middle-aged woman with a demanding job find a relationship. Kinda fed up being alone all the time - having no one as my +1 at events.

Join things. How demanding is your job? Do you have evenings free? Weekends.

What sort of help do you have with your DC(s)? Does this give you much time out? Better to try to find activities you're interested in rather than joining to meet a man I find. Something a bit challenging is good-make a list of what you'd love to do! Maybe you're setting the bar too high?!! Gather friends wherever because they will have male relatives/friends, make it known to them you're available and looking. Sounds like you're a bit down on yourself at the minute.

have you heard of Spice they do things from winetasting to abseiling, you can pick and choose activities that interest you. A couple of my friends have done it and they enjoyed it

Why not take a friend as a plus one to events? It' not compulsory to be in a couple-relationship, and if you socialise with people who think it is, and patronize you for being single, the answer is not to attach yourself to another person but to find some less stupid friends.

Thing is, if you focus too hard on finding someone to have a couple-relationship with, you can start coming across as desperate, which means you deter nice people and attract horrors who will take advantage in some way. By all means look into ways of boosting your social life eg taking up new hobbies, because everyone needs leisure activity and time out of the house, but don't stress too much about Finding A Man. It's much better to be single than stuck with a crap partner.

I like the sound of winetasting while abseiling.

Though Punk I think you are supposed to spit the wine out when doing proper tasting aren't you? It could be messy if abseiling at the time...

I agree with SGB, the best way to find a relationship is to stop looking and just be happy being yourself, by yourself.

ah - im sorry, i disagree.
Im single and have been for over 3 years. I am happy with myself. I like my life. Im not desperate, but i am dating, on and off.

'looking' or 'not looking' doesnt say anything about how you feel in yourself, nor does it say anything about feeling how you have to conform to society.
Wanting to be in a relationship, normally is just because thats usually a nice things, humans like company and closeness, and as many friends, family and aquantinces as you may have, its still not the same as having an intimate, trusting relationship with another person.

teahouse - i have no idea. im in the same boat as you. I dont think there is anything you can or cant do, or anything you can do thats right or wrong. Its just down to meeting the right person, at the right time ( for you both).

Oh it isn't a bad thing to date, or to have a relationship. But it needs to be looked on as an optional extra, not something that you Must Have to Be Complete. Because you need at least to be strong and self-respecting enough not to settle for any old bellend just because he's available.