AIBU to be angry at mum for not disowning brother?

[Yoghurty]

Long, ugly story short....

Last year my half-bro was charged with low-level child porn images. Mum wrote to him whilst he was in prison.

He has been released but we found out a few weeks ago he was picked up again as his other half-sister has had flashbacks to him abusing her when she was younger.

Mum has no support around this to work through how she feels so I have been supporting, listening, talking through etc. Until last week when she said 'He'd dropped points in her estimation for 1st offence but this new incident he's dropped further'.
I challenged her and asked how she could support him given his crimes- she said 'you don't have children so you can't understand' which I think is unfair.

I'm angry at her minimising and wonder how far he'll have to go to be not in her estimation anymore. This is now affecting my relationship with her. AIBU?

It's very easy to say, "Oh, I'd never disown my children/brother" until you're in that situation. I have been, which is why I've name-changed. My stepbrother raped and sexually abused my stepsister. This came out only about three years ago, now he and my stepsister are both in their thirties.

Have I disowned him? You bet your sweet life I have. I never want to see his face again, at least not unless it's lifeless.

I don't speak to my father and his wife (the woman's pure evil but that's another story) so I have no idea whether they, now that they know of the abuse, have any contact with my stepbrother. I doubt it but tbh if they did I would be horrified and disgusted.

Yoghurty, I get where you're coming from, I think, and I believe that YANBU. I wish you all the best too.

without meaning to belittle your pain though, unforgiving, and horrific as that sounds, a love a mother has for her child is, I believe the strongest love there can be and is deeper than the love between step children. I am not trying to say it is not a horrific situation. You have gone through this and I have not so you have more experience and me. If it were, I would be appalled, heartbroken and probably disgusted with myself. But would I still love my son more than anything? In a heartbeat, yes.

Sometimes I shudder to think how far I would go to protect them.

There is nothing my dc could do which would lead to my disowning them but they could break my heart,destroy my mind and ruin my life.I would always feel love alongside despair.I feel lucky that I am unlikely to be in your poor mum's situation.

Unforgiving-your step brother is not your brother.You share no blood.It is very different from your own child.

I have some personal experience of this. When push comes to shove, you close ranks around your family.

Yoghurty, I do feel for you, I really do. I also have some personal experience of this too and you cannot believe how far the ripples of devestation spread.

In my case it is my dh's brother, and it is not low level, he is awaiting sentance and as far as I am aware has been told to expect double figures.

We would never expect inlaws to disown their son though and we made this clear from the start. However, what we also made clear was that we wouldn't allow hiim any contact with our dc either. I totally agree with all those who say they could never turn their back on their own dc, as a mother there are things my child could do that I would find abhorent, but I would't cut them off.

Incredibly sadly, my inlaws don't feel the same way and are able to cut off their son. Not the one, in prison, but dh for not allowing his brother to be in contact with his brother. This whole thing has ripped our lives apart and I don't think it will ever be able to be mended.

I don't blame them for standing by their son. but i will never forgive them for not seeing their small grandchild for 8 months because his parents don't want a paedophile to have contact. I will never forgive them for refusing to balance a desire to protect their son with the need to protect their grandchildren. And I will never forgive them for telling Dh repeatedly that he is entirely to blame for this.

I have name changed only because they have taken so much from me in the last couple of years, I will not allow them to also take the anonimty I enjoy on here too as I'm sure they may recognise the sorry tale. I shall never see any of them again, though I will not stop Dh, they are his family, it is his choice.

All i can say is I know how incredibly difficult and damaging this is for a family and I hope you can all find a way to support each other.

Sorry, that should read dh treated as he was was for not allowing his brother any contact with our dc.

This tragic. A mother loves her children unconditionally. It must be horrenous to face the possiblity that her son might have abused one of her daughters.

I think your mum needs some professional support from someone who is not emotionally involved. It sounds like that your entire family needs support.