How do I start a conversation with him? Advice please ladies before I die from my pathetic crush!

[Whysoshy]

Hi all,

I've named changed for this as I'm so embarrassed. I seriously need some tips though, so any advice much appreciated.

My friends and I eat/drink at a bar just down the road from me almost every week. The bar manager there is literally one of the most beautiful men I have ever laid eyes on. I have a crush the size of the moon basically

Trouble is, he never works behind the bar so it's impossible to strike up any conversation with him. I have no idea if he has a wife/girlfriend, or even if he's gay (He's almost too beautiful to be straight frankly)

So I seriously need some bright ideas about how I can engineer a conversation with him. Serious, and not so serious suggestions welcome

It's just getting beyond a joke. Last night when we left the place I spotted him sitting next to the door. Then I totally embarrassed myself nearly opening the door onto my face because I was so busy gazing into his eyes.

Maybe I should never go back there. Instead possibly take a cold shower, and lock myself in a dark room for all eternity? ponders

Go over and compliment him on the service of his staff/the ambience/the menu/the beer. How you really like the place and come every week. Or alternatively, complain about the state of the toilets and you want the address of the company to write to. If he responds well and you get chatting, all good and you've got an opening. If he just thanks you and tootles about his business, well, nothing lost. And you can always give it another shot another time.

Would that be the size of a new or a full moon?

'Tis lunacy to almost injure yourself for the sake of your crush, my dear.

Is this establishment of the dimly lit variety? If you lure this sex god Adonis out into the sobering daylight, I daresay your fantasies affections will wane.

izzyizin Definitely full moon, werewolf creating sized
Oh, and I've been in during the day so can confirm that he is just as stunning in the cold daylight. There is no hope for me!

koda Perhaps I could complain about the state of the toilets, and then insist that he attends one of the cubicles with me NOW for a closer inspection? My best friends synopsis is that he looks incredibly shy, and would probably be really hard to talk too without him running off in horror. I can't see it myself, a man that gorgeous couldn't possibly be shy!

It must be dealt with either way. I nearly lost a bloody tooth on that door frame last night.

Yup, take a flashlight so you can check out he's really that fit, drag him down the bogs to inspect more fully .

Well I definitely know he's incredibly fit. So that means I have to drag him to the toilets next time I visit.

Oh dear, I'm going to end up getting arrested

Get a weekend job there! :o

Ooh, ooh, I know! Forget all that toilet nonsense, not nearly romantic enough. Studies have shown that people like people who ask them for help, so why don't you say you're planning a party and you need some advice on good wines, etc. Then if he responds well you could invite him to it. You would have to really hold a party though...

Don't you think that, if he liked you, he would have approached you by now?

Headfairy Odd you should say that. I've just been for an interview for a job there today. I applied for about 50 bar jobs in London, and they are the only ones who have given me an interview thus far!

Flimflammery I am having a housewarming party soon actually so that wouldn't be too much of a lie.

emsyj Yes probably, in fact almost definitely. He's wayyyyy out of my league anyway, but a sad unwanted thirty something girl can always dream.

'why don't you say you're planning a party and you need some advice on good wines, etc'

Ooh that's a great idea - absolutely nothing to lose, but plenty of time to suss him out a bit more. How exciting!

It's too late JosieRosie emsyj has killed my (fruitless) dream. It's hopeless methinks!

Oh don't lose heart whysoshy

Years ago I asked out the bloke who sold me my first mobile phone. He said he would love to but that his girlfriend would kill him! I was mortified but sort of glad I had done it and my friends told me I was really brave

I would engineer some sort of chat with him just to see how it goes - the worst that can happen is that you get to gaze at him up close for a while and at least you can say you gave it a shot! Good luck

oooh, fingers crossed you get it whysoshy. It's got to be fate hasn't it?

Imagine yourself telling your grandchildren how you met grandpa.."well I went for a job interview at a bar, it was the first one that had called me in for an interview for ages, and I spotted this guy who was really gorgeous..."

Josie I feel your pain. I asked a (different) guy out who worked in a bar years ago and got the same answer. We are very brave for asking though

Hmmmmm, gazing at him up close is something I could handle doing on a VERY regular basis.

headfairy Do I miss off the bit that goes..."And prior to that, I had been staring at your grand dad in a mad, stalker-like fashion for months. In fact I almost knocked myself unconscious on a door one night when I saw he was looking at me"

Maybe I should hope they don't offer me the job? I will never be able to concentrate [blush}

You definitely keep that part in, they'll love it! I constantly remind dh of the goofy things he did when we were a-courting :o

Nah, you've got to pray you do get it, just be friendly, smiley and approachable if he's shy.

As an aside I used to work with a phenomenally good looking man, the first time I met him my jaw literally dropped. I spent months just staring at him, he was so perfect in every way. One evening at a work function we were chatting and he said he thought I hated him because I always looked completely aghast every time he caught my eye

Oddly enough for a stupendously good looking man, I didn't really fancy him. He was just a bit bland, but bloody hell was he gorgeous!

Well I haven't heard back about the job (even though they promised they would be in touch either way, swines!) It's the second bar job I've failed to get within a week, so it's all a bit dispiriting really

So I'm probably never going to see him again anyway, as I won't ever dare show my face there again now!

headfairy I can't believe he thought you hated him! paranoid much? It just goes to show though, we never know what opinion people hold of themselves. We can think they are the most gorgeous thing walking on 2 legs, but they might just think they are totally average.

Maybe that's why my crush always seems to have a shocked expression whenever he looks at me. Either that or he's concerned I'm a serial killer, and he's next on my list

whysoshy, why don't you call the bar to see how they're going in their recruitment process? It shows you're motivated about the job apart from anything.

I think my former work colleague didn't think he was anything special, apparently his brother was "the good looking one in the family"

Yes, I'm going to call them tomorrow. Although I think they've probably already decided, they said they would be starting trial shifts tomorrow

I'm blaming it on age discrimination. I'm 33, probably not enough of a bright young thing for bar work!

Well, neither of my friends who I go to the bar with think much of him. One just says that he looks 'Too shy', and the other that he's pretty but not her type

Meanwhile, I have NOT been looking up pictures of him on the bars FB page or anything like that tonight. That would be sad, and pathetic clearly

Oops, and there goes my name-change attempt. Oh well, I am an out and proud saddo now. Anything to take me off ex DP heartbreak, and get me through the day I guess