My husband told me this morning

[atosilis]

that his life is wretched.

I asked him if he could get something for me if he went out -
"My life is wretched enough without being your gofer"

Is his life wretched or is he being a drama queen?

Bit of both. He was retired in 2010 and then had a minor stroke from which he has totally recovered. He does wallow in self pity. I've suggested volunteering but NO

So he needs a bit of direction before he slides even further. Life coaching or careers advice (if they have that for retired people)?

Is he fit and well otherwise?

Life is what you make it. My poor ds is 24 and awaiting a kidney transplant,he still works,socialises and is very positive. Maybe he needs to see his gp.
My dh can be dramatic too,he said he feels if hes living in a cage the other day when the baby woke us at 4.45. He was embarrassed later though.

Well, he's got a worse life than you, hasn't he? I mean, at least you get a break from being with him sometimes (like this morning when he went out), but he has to live with himself all the time.

His pension is more than my salary. If I were him, I'd volunteer, join clubs, go to the gym, meet friends, visit places I'd never seen, go to exhibitions etc etc. I have to put £1000 each month into our joint account so basically work 40 hours a week for £400 a month spending money.

He is hacked off because I have moved into the spare room to sleep. We don't have sex (can't bear the thought of sex with misery guts) so he might have a point.

Last week I was off sick for a day and spent the day in bed sleeping or dozing. He spent the whole day lying on the settee watching sport. And now I'll stop moaning - but ROAAAARRRR. That felt good. :-)

Does he have sort of plan for what he's going to do or is he planning on lying on the sofa for the rest of his life? You probably don't want to sleep with him as he is deeply uninspiring at the moment.

At least you are working so you are out of the house all day!

He sorted out all the finances a couple of weeks ago and showed me where to find everything. I asked why he was doing it and he said "For when I've gone".

• "Where are you going?"

"When I'm dead". He's not suicidal but thinks of himself as old, retired and out to rest. He's not yet 60.

He's got in a bit of a rut really hasn't he?
Very easy to do if you are at home all day. What do you do at weekends?
Do you go out together for trips etc? If he is interested in sport do you go to sporting events as spectators. Does he like football?

Sorry I dont understand you point re the finances?-could you clarify that a bit please as I often find its money worries that put the most stress on relationships

not yet 60! Poor you!

Do you think this a case of retirement induced depression? Was he like this before he retired?

It's quite common for people to feel worthless, frustrated and angry when they retire / are made redundant / become a SAHM, especially if they have felt their worth and value in a busy important job before. Suddenly they don't feel important anymore.

If it is linked to retirement then some counseling for him, or you both together might help.

If on the other hand, he has always been like this, it's only going to get worse now he's retired and home all day. You might need to start thinking about what you can do to change the situation.

I'm curious about this financial stuff - are you both putting the same into the joint account, but he has loads left afterwards from his pension while you have relatively little?

XH has been expecting to pop his clogs for the last 25 years. Still waiting. Wish he'd hurry up and get on with it. I want to make sure he can't attend my funeral.