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Original poster

Do any of you think it would be far easier on your own?

14 replies

Dawnus · 22/02/2012 23:23

Heads a bit of a mess lately and I'm not sure if I'm going completely barking!
PT working mum with 2 DCs, Married 8yrs, together 15.
I do EVERYthing...literally! I have to think for the entire household! Feeling rather resentful at being taken completely for granted, and actually wondering if life would be easier on my own.
I would have no expectations that things would get done, because there would only be me to do them. I would probably also get at least one day to myself a week/fortnight...complete me time (not mum, wife, manager, friend, blah)!
So what do u think...maybe I'm having a midlife, haha!?

OP posts:

Original poster

Dawnus · 22/02/2012 23:25

Oh...should prob add that by 'on my own' I mean without hubby...not without my DCs! x

OP posts:

Allboxedin · 22/02/2012 23:55

I think this every day so no you are not mad unless of course I am too!!
I am also only 32 so hopefully not in midlife crisis yet.
I don't bother asking my dh do do anything now, I just do it all myself as it is easier. I have a 4 month old and a 2 year old and I still think it would be easier on my own!!
The last time I looked he still had two hands but sometimes I think he would be just as well off without any!

TieAYellowRibbon · 22/02/2012 23:58

Yes I think this all the time! Although I would still be doing everything if on my own, there wouldn't be the added disappointment of feeling taken for granted/resenting every single chore/cycle of arguments that improve things for 2 weeks then it goes to shit again.

Thinking about choosing how to do things my own way in my own time and to please just me and the c is what keeps me going if I'm honest!

But...have you talked to you oh about this? Men are a bit useless in my experience they get away with whatever they can, pipe up and tell him you're unhappy!

TieAYellowRibbon · 22/02/2012 23:59

That's DC of course. He's the one without the d ;)

Allboxedin · 23/02/2012 00:08

I am fine when he is at work thinking about it. It;s when he comes home the tress starts! :) and yes like TAYRRTOOT said they will get away with whatever they can.

JoeRich · 23/02/2012 00:17

I thought this for a long time and then last year took the plunge, and whilst it is hard being on your own in many ways it's easier than it was before.

I used to find it hard having someone who could help but didn't - he'd sit watching tv whilst I did everything, or would go out for a bike ride when he felt like it etc. Or ask me to get up and get him a beer if we were both watching tv.

So now it's just me, and I really haven't noticed the difference in terms of having it all to do myself. It's better because I know if I tidy my bedroom it stays like that - no more socks or underwear appearing on the floor that he couldn't quite manage to put in the washbin.

And because he has the DCs (we have 3) every other weekend and 1 night per week I get more time to myself than I EVER had before! He's done more parenting (because he's had to) in the last 6 months than he has in the last 13 years. Though he's found a new woman to help him out, which I knew he would, because he just can't look after them on his own And she has 4 DCs

PostBellumBugsy · 23/02/2012 09:07

My ex-H worked away from home week in week out, so from a practical perspective it really didn't make any difference when we were no longer together.

Financially, I have taken quite a hit thought, as he is as tight as he can be about maintenance.

TooEasilyTempted · 23/02/2012 09:41

My DH works away a lot, and I hate to say it but the house is cleaner, tidier and seems to run so much smoother when he's not here .

As a PP said, when I tidy the bedroom I know it will stay tidy.

When I'm finished in the bathroom (I always give the sink, toilet and shower a quick wipe with a cleaning wipe when I'm done) I know it will still be gleaming when I next go into it, no soggy towel on the floor and jeans, socks and boxers literally left where he stepped out of them.

After I put DS to bed I spend 10 minutes having a quick tidy and hoover round the living room and when I get up the next morning it's still as lovely as when I left it.

I'm happy to have a bigger lunch at work and a quick snack for tea when I get home but when DH is here I feel like I need to cook a 'proper meal' which takes much more time.

I sort most of the paperwork/appointments/bills, etc but my head seems a bit clearer to deal with these of an evening when DH isn't distracting me flicking thru the TV channels or generally getting in the way.

I love him really - honest I do! but if he ever stopped working away that would be the end of our marriage

malinkey · 23/02/2012 10:16

To answer your question - yes, yes, yes! I am on my own with DS and despite having to deal with tantrums on my own, which can be a bit wearing, life is so much better in every way.

I can make decisions without someone else questioning e v e r y little thing I do and only have the two of us to clean up after. And DS probably does more cleaning up at 4 than my ex ever did!

Dawnus - maybe it's time you started getting some equality in your marriage. Why not start by organising yourself some me time and letting your DH look after the children?

sonicrainboom · 23/02/2012 10:34

Dawnus, I def think you and your DC's would be fine on your own.
You are already doing all the work by yourself...!
It's unlikely that your partner suddenly would want to do half of the chores, now that he has it so nice already! It would take a lot of work from you to have him start become an equal in housework. If you left, you would also leave behind the feeling of being taken for granted.

pregnantpause · 23/02/2012 11:26

tooeailytempted- I love my dh too, but home life is smoother without him.

In my case its not because he doesnt do enough, its because I am controlling and dont like 'his' way of doing things really.But when he does stuff it takes soo long and there is a song and dance involved. Particularly with the children, his getting them dresed is sooo stresful for me. He changes his tact too which i find irritating. One day hes all disney dad and lets them get away with murder the next hes draconian and shouting at them for the slightest thing. As a result they dont listen to him and this is my fault. actually i dont love him that much [hmmm]

mojitomania · 23/02/2012 12:11

Stop enabling the men then

Original poster

Dawnus · 23/02/2012 21:00

One things clear...I am not alone!
Why do we do it to ourselves? I am going to have a proper chat after DDs birthday this weekend...basically a 'sort your act out or I'm off' kind of chat!
[groan] why can't life be easier!
So, those of you who have separated...how do you begin to go about sorting out houses/ money etc? especially when the sales market is pap

OP posts:

molly3478 · 24/02/2012 17:29

Definitely not there would be not as many nights out couldnt go out and do what I want when I want, have to do all the work, have to tidy and cook everything myself, wouldnt have anyone to drive me places if I need to, pick me up from work, have to do all putting to beds and showers,probably wouldnt be able to send dd to pre school as when I am working would have no one to pick her up or drop her off aand finally I would miss having him around

Decent men who actually love you will do this as standard.

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