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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS

25 replies

ladybird69 · 22/02/2012 20:41

Are they expensive? and does anyone know of a good one in Gloucestershire area?
I would appreciate any advice, 99.9% sure that H cheating but of course he swears not!
Thanks.

OP posts:

flywiththecrows · 22/02/2012 20:46

can't you and a mate follow him? much cheaper?

PostBellumBugsy · 22/02/2012 21:00

I used one some 9 years ago in the London area. I looked them up in the yellow pages. I had ex-H tracked for an entire evening. I thnk it cost about £800 & sure enough he was having an affair.

izzyizin · 22/02/2012 21:01

What makes you think your h is having an affair?

Have you checked his phone and emails?

minceorotherwise · 22/02/2012 21:06

Ooh if it's that dear, I would indeed get a mate to do it!! Or do some amateur sleuthing myself if I absolutely had to know. Phone records/ pockets/ diary/ texts / email...etc etc

Original poster

ladybird69 · 22/02/2012 21:33

Fly and Mince I have very distinctive car + kiddies tucked up in bed!
izzy he has 3 phones! and finger print ID on state of the art computer!
He's always away, needs space, but last week, he blurted out he'd met someone on line and had a girlfriend! now laughing and saying he was trying to shock me!!! thats why i think i need PI as think hes going further a field :-(
Thanks Post, Tbh £800 would be worth it to wipe smirk off his face!

OP posts:

minceorotherwise · 22/02/2012 21:49

Finger print ID ?! Yes, PI I think !! Shop around though!

hisgentletouch · 22/02/2012 21:50

lady you wrote about him before, I think? aer you STILL not starting divorce proccedings??

Original poster

ladybird69 · 22/02/2012 21:54

Mince, yep Finger Print ID he didnt want it, model was on offer!!!
Yes his gentle, I have written about him before, divorce proceedings in place but........ I want to see his face, sure he doesnt think that I have 'it' in me to question him!

OP posts:

TooEasilyTempted · 22/02/2012 22:04

Finger print ID on his computer and 3 phones... Wow! Perhaps he works for MI5?

Seriously though, your relationship must be pretty shit to even consider hiring a private detective. Save yourself £800 and just end it anyway.

mamaggie · 22/02/2012 22:08

If divorce proceedings are in place, save your £800 for a lovely post-divorce week in the sun somewhere, don't waste it hiring some guy who will tell you what you already know.

Original poster

ladybird69 · 22/02/2012 22:23

Too Easily, no not MI5, but man with something to hide? He piling the blame on me, needs space to think, blah blah blah. so would love to prove my intuition right.
mamaggie, it would be worth every single penny honestly!

OP posts:

izzyizin · 22/02/2012 22:45

By 'divorce proceedings' in place do you mean that you have filed a petition to divorce him citing unreasonable behaviour?

Is he living away from the marital home?

ImperialBlether · 22/02/2012 22:47

I think I'll send you my email, OP.

izzyizin · 22/02/2012 22:58

May I ask you to please send one to me too, IB? I missed out when you last posted on the subject of PI's.

Original poster

ladybird69 · 22/02/2012 23:02

izziy yes divorce filed, he moved out of marital home now threatening to move back in and back into his bed!!!
Imperial, thanks for your message xxx

OP posts:

Yogii · 23/02/2012 05:11

Finger print ID.. how do they sell this stuff. I love shocking people by plugging a 'special' USB stick into their computer, waiting for the login screen to come up, then pressing Enter without putting in a password, and watching the astonished expression as it all opens up. I should write all this stuff up one day.

Back to the question. A friend of mine just paid a PI 150 and received last 3 months bills for 2 mobiles in return. Bargain!

CagneyNLacey · 23/02/2012 05:57

He sounds like a real piece of work. sorry for you, op

Anniegetyourgun · 23/02/2012 08:54

It does sound like a massive amount of time, expense and emotional energy to prove something that doesn't matter any more. He's under notice of divorce so frankly he's effectively a free agent. The answer to his threatening to move back in is "oh no you're not, mate", not "I know you shagged that woman". By playing detective games, trying to catch him out, you're giving him far too much headspace.

You know what they say, the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. When you genuinely don't care what the fucker is up to (other than when he's in charge of the kids) then you will truly be free.

PostBellumBugsy · 23/02/2012 09:02

It was worth every penny for me - if that helps.

wannaBe · 23/02/2012 09:21

but if you're not together any more then he's not actually doing anything wrong, is he?

Sorry - I know that you want to prove this stuff, but you're not together any more, he's entitled to sleep with whoever he chooses, however unreasonable he might have been in the past.

Just move on and spend the £800 on some counselling to help you get past it.

Original poster

ladybird69 · 23/02/2012 17:08

Yogii, Omg that would be great bit of kit! would love to see his face with that one!
cagney, thanks, but he's a real charmer
Annie, it does matter because he's playing the victim card and declaring to family and friends he doesnt want marriage to end! Yet he gloats to me about meeting someone else and still going off the radar! It would hopefully show what a liar and tosser he actually is.
thanks Post I think it will help me move on.
Wanna be, no but this started in sept when we were still 'together' and as I said before he's telling everyone that he only loves me etc and wants to reconcile!

OP posts:

izzyizin · 23/02/2012 18:07

It sounds to me as if you already know what a liar and tosser he is and you're best advised to save your money to celebrate your decree nisi because it's inevitable that anyone who's been taken in by him will experience their own lightbulb moment sooner or later - and because he may have an untraceable PAYG number for his sexual private exploits.

Of cours, you could try 'the bluff'. Smile sweetly as you tell him that you've had him 'tracked' by a PI and that you'll be distributing copies of the report that proves he's fond of sleazy seedy liaisons with ow (make it plural because this guy's a serial leg over merchant) when it suits you.

Once you've fired this shot across his bows, put a smug smirk on your face and refuse to discuss the subject no matter how much he tries to wind you up glean more info - your mantra will be 'I know what I know and others will know soon enough'.

Original poster

ladybird69 · 24/02/2012 14:25

Hi i,izzyizin, thanks for your reply,
he is a total liar, swears he's telling truth one day and the next totally denies saying it or has different story made up!
Really I want to stop giving him head space so thats why I want to prove for once and for all what a liar and a cheat he is! Then I can get on and enjoy my life.

OP posts:

PostBellumBugsy · 24/02/2012 14:31

ladybird69, I really do understand where you are coming from. When I used the private dicks, I already knew that ex-H had had an affair. He was telling me that he was trying to make a go of things, but it wasn't ringing true & I was convinced he was still seeing the OW, despite his assurances to the contrary. The private dicks confirmed my suspicions (with photos) and it did give me absolute clarity in my mind that I was doing the right thing by asking him to move out.

ExitPursuedByaBear · 24/02/2012 14:34

I've always fancied being a PI

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